Today I stepped on the scale at my parents’ house. It read 170.5lbs. I’ve gained almost 5lbs since I stopped pumping, which totally shocked me since I SWEAR I’ve been eating WAY less. I was hoping to have lost 2lbs, though the way I had been looking, and feeling, suggested the gained weight the scale confirmed. Still, I was incredulous.
Needless to say, I had a pretty significant freak out. It was really bad. I cried. A lot. I may have hyperventilated in my car, in my parents’ driveway. It was not pretty.
I just don’t feel like I have any idea what is going on with my body. I know I’m 3.5 years older than I was when I had Osita, and I’m closer to my mid-thirties now, instead of just on the cusp of this metabolism dampening decade, but I don’t understand how last time I lost 55lbs without any concerted effort and this time I’m only ten pounds away from my highest pregnant weight (with Monito). WHY IS IT SO FUCKING DIFFERENT THIS TIME!?!?!?!
I feel like I don’t recognize my body, not how it looks and definitely not what it is doing.
So I have thirty pounds to lose. THIRTY FUCKING POUNDS. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever weighed, not pregnant. And I have no money to buy any clothes, so this summer is going to, well, suck.
At least I can still fit into my maternity swim suit, because I’m going to have to wear that this summer. God, I shudder just to think about it. I just hope no one asks me when I’m due.
Anyway, enough dramatics over how much I weigh. It’s a sad, tired song that every woman (well almost every woman) has sung at some point in her life. The important thing is what I plan to do about it.
I talked to Mi.Vida about all this. Actually, I called him and HE talked ME down from the ledge I was hysterically wailing over. He’s awesome like that. (Seriously, he handled it like A BOSS.)
So moving forward we’re going to make better choices about what we eat at home. We’re going to cook at least two healthy meals a week, and make enough during those cooking sessions to last for two meals for both of us. That way we’ll have four healthy, home cooked dinners a week. These meals will also have to be relatively cheap because we’re trying to cut our grocery bill by $100 and order in hardly at all (I know this will help our healthy eating efforts in and of itself). This will require some intense meal planning and strategic grocery shopping. Some how I doubt we’ll be very successful this month, but hopefully by the end of summer we’ll have a system down.
As for me personally, I’m going to figure out a quick and easy breakfast and lunch and stick to them pretty consistently, so I know what I need to buy and I know how much I’m eating. I’m also going to be tracking ALL my calories to make sure I’m really eating as little as I think I am. I really do think I’m not eating that much–I was truly shocked by the number on the scale today, (and I’ve tracked my calories enough in my life to have a pretty good idea of portion sizes and how small snacks add up and so on) but obviously I don’t know for sure until I track, so track I will. I’ll also start wearing my FitBit again and trying to keep my step count over 10,000. That is going to be really hard but I’ll give it my best shot.
The final weapon in my arsenal is exercise. I want to start working out on the PreCore again. This is tricky because it’s currently housed in Monito’s room (there is absolutely no where else to put it, I’ve considered this endlessly). I purchased a used Pack n Play and I plan to set it up in Osita’s room twice a week during his afternoon nap so I can use that time to work out. I also hope to do a little 30 minute intensive yoga routine that I have an audio track for two times a week to keep me flexible and work my core and upper body a bit. I tried it not long ago (specifically so I would be sore for a massage–yes I’m a weirdo who likes to be sore for massages) and I could not lower myself to the ground without my knees on the floor, which means I’m not only the heaviest I’ve been in my life, but most probably the weakest. I need to get my body back.
This is a lot to try to take on all at once, changing the way I eat and upping my active movement from nothing to four times a week, all while attempting to stay on a very strict budget. (Oh, and finishing up the school year too.) I know I need to cut myself some slack, and I plan to. But I also plan to try to implement all this because, frankly, I HAVE to. I can’t stand how I feel in my body. I can’t stand the way I look. And financially, we absolutely have to make changes. So, it’s going to have to happen all at once.
I just hope I don’t go crazy doing it.
Any tips for eating healthy (or at least healthier) on a budget?
Stumbling Gracefully 
I really love Skinnytaste’s recipes. She only uses real (non-artificial) ingredients, provides the nutritional counts, and the serving size. We haven’t eaten at Chipotle again since we discovered we could make the rice at home for a fraction of the calories and fat.
I second Mel’s suggestion of Skinnytaste.
For budget cooking: go vegetarian once or twice a week, and scale your portions to the actual amounts in the recipes. Also, cooking light has a budget section in every monthly magazines and they are good about posting some of the highest rated online (http://www.cookinglight.com/food/top-rated-recipes/best-budget-recipes-00412000074866/).
We also do a salad night or something where we eat something light; since Lucky likes tacos we’ve been doing taco salad for us and he has tortillas. I substitute nonfat plain greek yogurt for sour cream, no cheese (avocado and salsa works well for me!) and wa-la! Healthy.
When you’re planning your menu, buy the fruit/veggies that are in season (aka: right now we eat a lot of strawberries since they’re always on sale, in the winter we ate quash a lot). The good news is that since it’s spring there will be a ton of produce in season and they’ll be priced pretty well.
I love myfitnesspal for logging calories and workouts – you can see your workouts reflected in that day’s calories, and you can scale how much you want to lose – I have always done the .5lbs a week because I didn’t want to overdo the weight loss. It really works if you’re disciplined about it.
Feel free to email me for recipes and/or other tips. I have lots.
You can do this – WITHOUT it becoming unhealthy. I promise. xoxo
We eat a lot of nights of black bean tacos (no rice, corn tortillas), scrambled eggs, fresh veggies with no butter/sauce, hummus and carrots, soups (homemade over the weekend), salad, rice and curry. All easy, all pretty cheap, all healthy.
(too quick on my “enter” button …)
Good luck with the journey! You can absolutely do this, especially if you re-frame the project as taking care of yourself and your family, and being healthy.
Agh; I’m so there with you and could have written this post myself. I think you’re plan of attack is a good one. Eat healthy food, exercise, make great decisions. I will also tell you, my GP told me sleep has some to do with weight. So, get some sleep (more, if you can) and hang in there.
Thumbs up! I just signed up for a serious 10 week fitness course I did 8 years ago (it’s how I met Brian!) and it starts June 14. No excuses. Brian actually told me about their discount and said to sign up. He’s in charge every morning at 5:00 so I can do this! He’s doing it every day at 4:30. We’re committed to each other! We know this works, so we are doing it!
I am going to cheer you along, lady! WE can do this! Here we go…. NOW!
I’ll plug again for cooking/prepping on the weekend and reaping the rewards all week. Last week we were away and came back mid-week so we couldn’t do this. We ended up doing take-out every night—expensive and unhealthy.
Buying in season, sticking to vegetarian as often as possible are good ways to be healthy and save $. Honestly, we rotate about 5-7 recipes over and over…I used to love cooking new foods, but we’re in survival mode still in terms of eating.
Exercise makes me hungrier, which is bad, but also keeps my mind on “healthiness”—so I reach for fresh fruits/veggies, healthier snacks instead. I don’t want to “undo” all the hard work of the workout I sweated through!
I’m with you on needing to formulate a plan to lose some pounds this summer. I want to fit into my summer clothes that I just bought last year.
Ugh, I was 168# on the scale this morning… it’s not good. Why is it so hard to make the changes we need to make to feel good about ourselves?
I try to eat the same couple of options for breakfast & lunch every day (healthy, cheap, simple to assemble, set calorie count) and then cook a couple of healthy dinners with Charlie. Time to get back at it.
I bought smaller bowls (almost everything gets eaten out of bowls in our house) and hid the huge bowls. My May plan is to cook Sunday for the week’s lunches and to unit dose (aka portion out) my breakfast cereal into serving size jars. I’m hoping to get exercise in there too but I’m less confident in that.
We eat vegetarian at home which has been good for our health and our wallets. I finally gave in and joined pinterest recently and it was only to have a place to store recipes I find online. We cook dinners at home 6 days a week and when we can, we take the leftovers to work for lunches the next day. Usually our dinners cooked at home are quick uninvolved recipes (like bean burritos or pasta w/ vegetables), and we try things that require more time/prep on the weekends. Good luck making your changes