The Plan Moving Forward

Today I stepped on the scale at my parents’ house. It read 170.5lbs. I’ve gained almost 5lbs since I stopped pumping, which totally shocked me since I SWEAR I’ve been eating WAY less. I was hoping to have lost 2lbs, though the way I had been looking, and feeling, suggested the gained weight the scale confirmed. Still, I was incredulous.

Needless to say, I had a pretty significant freak out. It was really bad. I cried. A lot. I may have hyperventilated in my car, in my parents’ driveway. It was not pretty.

I just don’t feel like I have any idea what is going on with my body. I know I’m 3.5 years older than I was when I had Osita, and I’m closer to my mid-thirties now, instead of just on the cusp of this metabolism dampening decade, but I don’t understand how last time I lost 55lbs without any concerted effort and this time I’m only ten pounds away from my highest pregnant weight (with Monito). WHY IS IT SO FUCKING DIFFERENT THIS TIME!?!?!?!

I feel like I don’t recognize my body, not how it looks and definitely not what it is doing.

So I have thirty pounds to lose. THIRTY FUCKING POUNDS. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever weighed, not pregnant. And I have no money to buy any clothes, so this summer is going to, well, suck.

At least I can still fit into my maternity swim suit, because I’m going to have to wear that this summer. God, I shudder just to think about it. I just hope no one asks me when I’m due.

Anyway, enough dramatics over how much I weigh. It’s a sad, tired song that every woman (well almost every woman) has sung at some point in her life. The important thing is what I plan to do about it.

I talked to Mi.Vida about all this. Actually, I called him and HE talked ME down from the ledge I was hysterically wailing over. He’s awesome like that. (Seriously, he handled it like A BOSS.)

So moving forward we’re going to make better choices about what we eat at home. We’re going to cook at least two healthy meals a week, and make enough during those cooking sessions to last for two meals for both of us. That way we’ll have four healthy, home cooked dinners a week. These meals will also have to be relatively cheap because we’re trying to cut our grocery bill by $100 and order in hardly at all (I know this will help our healthy eating efforts in and of itself). This will require some intense meal planning and strategic grocery shopping. Some how I doubt we’ll be very successful this month, but hopefully by the end of summer we’ll have a system down.

As for me personally, I’m going to figure out a quick and easy breakfast and lunch and stick to them pretty consistently, so I know what I need to buy and I know how much I’m eating. I’m also going to be tracking ALL my calories to make sure I’m really eating as little as I think I am. I really do think I’m not eating that much–I was truly shocked by the number on the scale today, (and I’ve tracked my calories enough in my life to have a pretty good idea of portion sizes and how small snacks add up and so on) but obviously I don’t know for sure until I track, so track I will. I’ll also start wearing my FitBit again and trying to keep my step count over 10,000. That is going to be really hard but I’ll give it my best shot.

The final weapon in my arsenal is exercise. I want to start working out on the PreCore again. This is tricky because it’s currently housed in Monito’s room (there is absolutely no where else to put it, I’ve considered this endlessly). I purchased a used Pack n Play and I plan to set it up in Osita’s room twice a week during his afternoon nap so I can use that time to work out. I also hope to do a little 30 minute intensive yoga routine that I have an audio track for two times a week to keep me flexible and work my core and upper body a bit. I tried it not long ago (specifically so I would be sore for a massage–yes I’m a weirdo who likes to be sore for massages) and I could not lower myself to the ground without my knees on the floor, which means I’m not only the heaviest I’ve been in my life, but most probably the weakest. I need to get my body back.

This is a lot to try to take on all at once, changing the way I eat and upping my active movement from nothing to four times a week, all while attempting to stay on a very strict budget. (Oh, and finishing up the school year too.) I know I need to cut myself some slack, and I plan to. But I also plan to try to implement all this because, frankly, I HAVE to. I can’t stand how I feel in my body. I can’t stand the way I look. And financially, we absolutely have to make changes. So, it’s going to have to happen all at once.

I just hope I don’t go crazy doing it.

Any tips for eating healthy (or at least healthier) on a budget?