Monday comes, I go to work, tired from the fun of the weekend and depressed to start a new work week. Each day is marked mostly for being one day closer to the weekend. On Wednesday I might change my gmail status to Happy Hump Day. On Thursday I am relieved that the next day is Friday. On Friday I am excited for the holiday. On Saturday, sweet Saturday I soak up everything that makes my life worth living and by Sunday night I am dreading the work week once again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. And repeat. And repeat.
How many people spend their life like this? Because I know I’m not the only one.
My week has always felt that way. It’s nothing new. But now that I’m a working mother, the reactions to each part of the cycle are magnified. On Sunday I’m that much more despondent to go to work the next day. On Saturday I’m that much more excited to be there when my daughter wakes up. The days in between tend to drag more than they did before.
Sometimes life feels like a series of these week, just stacked up indefinitely. Sometimes it feels like too much.
In some ways my week is shorter than it used to be. I don’t bring home papers to grade – at least not usually. I don’t have graduate school looming on the weekends. I leave work right on time and I don’t tutor after school which means I don’t get stuck in traffic most days.
In some ways the week is longer. There is so much more laundry to do. So much more work around the house. The time with Mi.Vida is always packed with cooking, cleaning or other chores or spent feeling guilty that we’re not doing them.
I’m trying to find joy in the little things. I’m trying to find meaning in the day to day. I don’t want my life to be a series of weeks wedged tight and thick between weekends. I want to revel in everything wonderful around me. I want to enjoy what is right there, instead of waiting for what will be.
I’m not quite sure how to do all of this. Teaching is an intense profession that requires immense amounts of energy and constant participation. It drains you. I know I need to get more sleep and spend more time on myself and my pursuits. I know I need to see friends and chat over dinner or drinks. I know I need to snuggle with Mi.Vida. I know this.
I think one problem is that I have so many things I want to do, that I become overwhelmed and none of them get done. I’ve noticed on my Goal Tracker that the one thing I’ve neglected the most is getting to bed at a reasonable hour. I can’t expect to revel in the day to day if I’m exhausted.
Starting this week I’m going to focus on one goal per week. This week’s goal? Getting in bed by 10pm. This will be very challenging for me, but I bet if I keep it up, I will be a happier person come Friday, and it won’t just be because Saturday is right around the corner.