A Wonderful Sunday

I had a great Sunday today. I didn’t do any work but I had a great Sunday. Hell, it’s probably one of the reasons why I had a great Sunday.

First of all we woke up at 9am but stayed in bed until 10am. I have to say that staying in bed for an hour or so on the weekends is one of my favorite things in the world. I will be sad to give it up when we have our baby, unless I just bring her into bed with us…

After we had a quick breakfast I dragged Mi.Vida on a walk in Golden Gate park. After quite a lot of rain and clouds last month it was a gorgeous day today and I wanted to be out in the sunshine. I also wanted to make up for my poor showing exercise-wise this week. We drove to the park and power walked (well I power walked, which Mi.Vida thought looked very “cute”) for about four miles. Then Mi.Vida took the car to an appointment and I walked the rest of the way home. It was a beautiful day and it felt great to be moving my body.

On my way home I crossed the dog park by my house. The sun will still out and I felt so warm from the walk that I decided to postpone grad school work and take a book out there to read on the grass. And that is exactly what I did. I only lasted about an hour before I had to pee again but it was a great hour in the afternoon sun reading a fun novel.

By the time I left it was getting pretty chilly and by the time I got home I was quite cold. So I decided to take a bath. It was the first bath I’ve ever taken in this apartment, and I’ve lived here for six years! I have to say, it’s a small tub but I could lay down pretty comfortably with my legs crossed. My boobs and tummy were definitely sticking out of the water but it was warm enough that that was okay, and it made me feel less worried about overheating. I have to say, it was quite relaxing and I’ll definitely be doing it again in the very near future.

For lunch I heated up the red pizole my parents left from the dinner the night before and by the time I was done eating Mi.Vida was home. I did two loads of laundry and watched some re-runs of Law and Order while folding the clothes. Now I’m supposed to be doing grad school work while Mi.Vida cooks us a healthy broccoli, chard and tofu sesame stir fry with brown rice. He just used the juicer to juice a ton of oranges and blood-red oranges for a very yummy, very pink concoction. After dinner we’re going to watch a movie, or a few episodes of Dexter season three, whichever time allows.

So all in all it was a good day. I didn’t get very much done but I nourished my body and my soul and you can’t ask for more than that. I wish all weekends were this low key. Now I only have to get through this week and I have a whole week off work! I can do it!

BUENAS NOTICIAS – Trader Joe’s has signed a lease on an empty building three blocks from our house. When that opens I will be the happiest women in the world.

TGI”The Weekend”

I am so glad it’s Saturday right now. So, so glad. My cousin is in town this weekend and in an attempt to stay in the city, but still enjoy my parents amazing cooking, my folks are bringing up my favorite dish (Red Pizole) to share with me, Mi.Vida, my sis and her guy, my cousin and their family friend. That is eight people in our very tiny apartment, eight people eating in our very tiny kitchen. It should be interesting, to say the least.

We’ve been cleaning up the place most of the day. I have to say, Mi.Vida has been super helpful. This pregnancy has really gotten him to step up to the plate, big time. I have to say, I’m impressed by his efforts each and every day. He’s been wonderful.

Right now we’re stopping for lunch. I still have the floors to sweep and the bathroom to clean. I have to say though, I’m not doing much, as that is what we play the cleaning lady for.

President’s Day week I have off and my big plan is to clean out the room under the stair that will be our nursery. I’m starting to think of where I’m going to put everything that we want to keep. I’m SO excited to transform that room into something wonderful, into my baby’s room. It’s very small and it will only have a crib and a changing table. The gliding rocking chair I want will probably have to be in the living room, but we’ll see. I’ve already picked out the furniture I want from IK.EA and I’ve found the bedding I want at Ba.bies R Us. I’m really starting to get that nesting instinct. I hope I can totally clean out my entire apartment before the baby comes. That would be amazing. I have February break and Spring Break in April – it may just get done!

Well I supposed I should get off my bottom and finish cleaning this house.

BUENAS NOTICIAS – I found myself in the baby section of Target the other day, buying a toy for a student in my school whose baby sister was going into surgery the next day, and I was suddenly struck with the reality that I was pregnant and could view all the baby stuff with happiness and anticipation and not sadness and dread. It made me start crying right there on the spot, crying tears of pure joy. It was really amazing. At prenatal yoga today I told everyone how thankful I was, how lucky I felt, to be pregnant after all the months of trying and our ectopic pregnancy. I think it really might be true, that women who struggle to get here enjoy it more. I know I’m enjoying it immensely.

Hearing the Heartbeat

Today I had my first appointment without the sonogram. Evidently Frijolita is big enough that they can use the doppler very easily, and that is what they did. It was my first time hearing the heartbeat and it was wonderful. Unfortunately Mi.Vida couldn’t be there but I did call him and he got to hear over phone. The heartbeat was 150, which is totally normal (anything between 120 and 160 is okay) and it was nice to finally know that it was fine. I have to say, after all these weeks of waiting, hearing Frijolita’s heart wasn’t the least bit anti-climactic. It was definitely love at first sound!

As for the rest of my appointment, I brought up three major concerns:

1. The Doula program at Kaiser SF. Turns out it’s not much of a program at all, which doesn’t upset me that much, as I assumed it wouldn’t be what I needed anyway. I’ve decided I want to hire a doula to accompany me during the birth, as I’m going to try to have a natural birth. I’d love one who’s worked at Kaiser before and knows what they allow and don’t allow. My OB was kind enough to look into the doula program and talk to other people at the hospital and got me a website to start searching for my own doula, which I appreciated. Now I have to see if I can even begin to afford all of this. I really hope I can, as it’s very important to me. I know that birthing your baby can be an amazing experience and it’s one I’ve wanted for a long time. I so wish I could give birth at a birthing center with tubs and all of that, but alas, my insurance is with Kaiser and so I have to work around that. At the same time, I hope there are options for me there and I want to explore all of them.

2. My weight gain. Well I stepped on the scale today and it’s official, I gained another 9 pounds this month. I’m not as worried about it as I was before, but I’m glad I’m seeing a nutritionist and trying to get more exercise. My ob recommends I keep a food journal for a week to get a better idea of what I’m eating. I think that is a good idea, though I’m kind of loathe actually doing it. After so many years of eating issues I don’t like to go back to this way of doing things. I haven’t thought one iota about what I’ve put in my mouth for the last four years and haven’t gained a pound. Of course now I am gaining lots of pounds, and thought I know it’s healthy for me and the baby, I want to make sure it’s for the right reasons. I’m hoping that I’m gaining the bulk of my weight in the second trimester and that it will taper off some in the coming months. If not, I’ll have to step up all my efforts on the weight maintenance front.

3. Second look at the baby’s sex. I don’t remember if I mentioned it on here, but when I asked my ob to take a second look at the baby she said she would, happily, at 35 weeks. I was not very excited about that and told her so. Anyway, today she told me that she said that because she is not really trained in the discrete science of determining the gender of a baby from an ultrasound, especially when the baby is still so small. She also said she would try again next time and then continue to try, but that she really didn’t know if she’d be able to give me any more of a definitive answer than I already got (“diagnosing girls is harder than diagnosing boys”). So that is both understandable and disappointing. I feel like once again we’ve come up against a problem that few others I know of has had. Of course it’s not really a problem, and I’m not trying to make it one, but I would love to know “for sure” what we’re having.

I guess that is all I have to report for now. I’m very excited to spend the evening at home with Mi.Vida, eating dinner and watching some TV. I hope all my blogging friends are having an equally restful Thursday night.

BUENAS NOTICIAS – Mi.Vida just tried out our new juicer. We went through a huge thing of carrots and oranges and it made a super yummy, super nutricious, juice! YAY! Just one more way to get through our CSA farm box veggies and fruits!

The Everyday Drivel

I’m so tired right now, splayed out on the couch, wishing I didn’t have so many dishes to do when I finally get up.

So much has been going on lately but I feel too tired to even write about most of it. At the same time, I’m disappointed with how little I’ve blogged in the past months. Looking at my archive you can see a definite downward trend each month since my big peak in October. That makes me sad. Blogging has been an important outlet for me and I want to continue that throughout my pregnancy. The problem is I’m so tired all the time, so busy and just so… I don’t know. Maybe it’s all the tutoring I’ve started to do, or the fact that I’m so anti-work and behind, or the fact that I’m trying to do more exercise to control my weight gain. I really don’t know. I guess all I can do is try to write more.

This week has been particularly hard. I’ve been really busy, getting home really late and having a lot to do when I get here. Mi.Vida has had stuff going on every night this week so we barely have time to see each other before we go to bed, which usually means we go to bed later than we would, and that I’m more tired the next day. I’ve had so much going on that I canceled my tutoring this week to be able to stay home tomorrow night and see Mi.Vida and just be on my couch.

Yesterday I found out that my work schedule will most likely be changed next year, and not in a good way. Our little middle school grows every year and the schedule and campus are being pushed to their limits. For this reason, and others, the Foreign Language department is going to be put up against the Music department and this is a battle that Language always loses. So next year I’ll probably lose a Spanish class and gain some other class, like 7th grade English or Science. That means I’ll four classes to prep for next year, 5/6 Spanish, 7/8 Spanish, 7/8 ELD (English Language Development) and this mystery class. I’m already so annoyed by work this year, I constantly feel behind and scrambling to get 55 minutes planned and executed. I’m also already nervous about working full time next year when I have a baby at home waiting for me. This schedule change makes me über-nervous about next year and super frustrated. I know there is nothing I can do about it right now, but I think it just brings up a lot of unresolved feelings I have about returning to work at all. The reality is I wish I could stay home all year next year, but I can’t. I can barely afford to take the beginning of the year off next year, which is what I’m planning on doing. I even thought about going to .8 time next year (only teaching 4 classes and avoiding this new mystery class) but I can’t afford even that pay cut. I feel so frustrated that I have no options for next year. Mi.Vida and I both make so little, we just have no financial wiggle room at all.

So work, both now and in the future, is not bringing me much joy at the moment. I really, really hope I can pull out of this funk and start enjoying my work again. I really do like my job, I don’t know why I can shake this ambivalence. I guess I’ll have to bring it up again in therapy, but not this week, as I’m not going.

Another thing I’m dealing with right now is my shopping addiction. I really love shopping and usually I have to abstain completely to keep it under control. I went maternity clothes shopping about two weeks ago and haven’t been able to curb the urges every since. This weekend I went to Gap because I could get 25% off if I used my new Old Navy VISA (which I signed up for because I was purchasing a significant amount of clothes from them). Anyway, I found a lot of great on-sale items at Gap and then got another 25% off. Plus I made the mistake of checking out Anthropology’s sale rack and actually found some cute things I could wear while I’m pregnant. Anyway, I realized I don’t have any jeans that fit and my bellaband does not work as well as I would like, so I went back to Gap and got some jeans (which sadly were not on sale). I also bought a pair of jeans online that were on sale. Today I did some “chore” shopping at BB&Beyond and Tar.get, spending a pretty penny at both. The VISA bill that these purchases are going on was supposed to be relatively small, after the one before it (which took the Christmas hit) was so large. Anyway, now that will not be the case, which means I will have had three major VISA bills in a row. I can’t afford that right now, even with all the tutoring I’m doing. I need to get this spending under control PRONTO!

I’m sorry this post is all over the place. I still have more I could write but I think I should stop. I might just brush my teeth, crawl into bed and read a book until bedtime tonight. That would be amazing and then I could get to bed at a reasonable hour and not start tomorrow exhausted. Yes, I’m liking the sound of this plan. I think I shall go execute it.

OH NO! The Teen Mom: Finale Special just came on. This might thwart my plan a little.

BUENAS NOTICIAS – I finally got my oil changed today. Only 1,200 miles late!

I’m feeling better…

… about the weight gain. I went to prenatal yoga this morning and we always start by going around the circle, saying our names and how many weeks we are. We can also include how we’re feeling. When it was my turn I shared my concern over my sudden and seemingly continuous weight gain. I got some really great feedback about it, mostly people telling me not to worry, my body will do what it needs to do and that will be okay. Also, many women reported gaining a lot of weight all at once and then not gaining much again for a while. This made me feel much better. I’m still trying to eat really well and get lots of exercise, but I’m also going to trust that my body is doing what it needs to do. I feel so much better about the weight stuff, I really do. It’s just another reason why prenatal yoga is a great place for me to feel strong and supported in mind, body and spirit. I’m so glad there is a good class so close to my house.

Today I went my mother decided to come up to the city and hang out with my sister and I. We drove to the bay and walked along the beach by the Golden Gate Bridge, then up and under the bridge to the ocean time. It was a beautiful day and so good to be out in the sun. On the way back we stopped at a great restaurant and had a tasty meal. I’m so lucky that my mom, sister and I are so close and have so much fun together. I’m very grateful for that.

Tomorrow I’m having brunch with a good friend I haven’t seen in a while. I’m very happy to do that. I didn’t get much work done today which means tomorrow has to be very different. We shall see if I can get everything done this weekend. I think now I shall grade some papers (never got to those last night, shockingly!)

BUENAS NOTICIAS – I signed Mi.Vida and I up for a partner prenatal yoga class on Valentine’s Day. Mi.Vida is being a real sport about going. I can’t wait.

My 20 Week Baby Bump

I realized recently that I have been very bad about taking belly shots. I did get one a while ago, at around 17 weeks, but I didn’t have much then. I took one again yesterday and it is pretty good so I’m going to include it on here. Yay! I’m at 20 weeks and I finally have my baby bump. I do think it looks like a baby bump, and not a “beer gut” as one friend said to me (I was NOT PLEASED by that). Anyway, here is my baby bump, at 20 weeks.

I so wish I had taken a picture in the early weeks to be able to compare, but alas, I did not. Maybe next time, if I’m lucky enough to have a next time.

It’s raining in the Bay Area again. It’s making for a very quiet, sleepy, unproductive Friday afternoon. I have so much to do but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe after this I’ll get out those stacks of papers that should already be graded and posted online for progress reports this week. Maybe.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

BUENAS NOTICIAS – Mi.Vida and I went on an impromptu dinner date last night and it was very yummy and fun. I hope we do that more in the next 4.5 months.

A few of my not-so-favorite things

I do not mean to be intentionally negative but I do feel I should report on some of the things that are causing me stress right now, as they are significant and I don’t want to paint an unrealistic picture of my situation, which is close to, but not completely, idyllic. So here are some of my top stressors right now. You’ll notice there are fewer (than my favorite things), but that they each get more attention, as they are bigger issues.

1. Money - I got yet another overdraft notice from my bank this week, bringing my grand total for overdraft charges in the past 6 months to $150! Normally I can just move money over, but actually, I didn’t really have anything left in savings and that was a sad realization, to be sure. The truth is, I’ve never been as good with my money as I could be, not in the slightest. I am the kind of person who spends money on things she wants or thinks she needs. And there are a lot of things. Having said that, I’ve never paid interest on a credit card in my life, or on anything, actually. The problem is that this past year I spent a lot, let me repeat, A LOT on acupuncture and Chinese herbs in an attempt to stave off the amenorrhea (lack of periods) that I’ve suffered from most of my adult life. Also, a serious dip in my tutoring had me bringing in a lot less extra cash than usual. Hence I’m very, very tight on the green stuff at the moment. I’ve been feeling pretty down about that, about my irresponsibility when it comes to money and the fact that I’m really stuck in the hole for a while, with my “holiday” VISA bill coming due soon. Thank goodness I have some great tutoring gigs lined up for the rest of the year, otherwise I’d be totally screwed. There is so much more to say about the money stuff, but I think you get the picture. I can’t imagine what it’s like for couples who spend tens of thousands on IVF before they conceive. It must be unbelievably stressful.

2. Weight gain - I have been gaining so much weight, so quickly, it has me completely panicked. I didn’t gain any weight in the first trimester and then I started taking Zoloft at 14 weeks and have since gained 17 pounds in less than two months. Now I know that the holidays were in there, and I can accept that I gained about 5 pounds there (I gained 10 pounds in December), but I’ve gained almost as much this month, which no big binging to attribute it too. If anything, I’m trying to eat really well, lots of fruits and veggies (hard for me, but I’m doing it!) and almost no sugar. I am loving carbs, for sure, but I certainly don’t gorge on them. I think maybe the Zoloft has something to do with it, but I’m not sure. All I know is I do not thinking I’m consuming 2 pounds a week worth of extra calories. I’m meeting with a dietitian from Kaiser and have started taking only 25mg of Zoloft instead of 50mg. I’m also upping my exercise regimen, making sure I’m walking for an hour at least 3 times a week and doing yoga 2 times a week. I’m trying to be very aware of what I eat and how much of it, but I have to say, after years and years of body and food issues, I’m so uninterested in counting calories or anything like that. I hope I can control this beast by just being conscious of what I’m eating and when. We shall see.

3. Work – I continue to be very lackluster about work. I had a pretty easy week (5th graders gone at outdoor education camp) and still I managed to fall behind. I think that with such an amazing experience happening right now inside of me, work can’t compete. If that is the case, it’s only going to get worse and be a LONG 4/5 month until summer.

4. Friendships - I continue to struggle with friendships, feeling isolated and alone much of the time. I’m busy, my friends are busy, the Thailand trip is coming up for my girl friends and I don’t know if I’ll see two of them while pregnant (that will be very disappointing). The reality is I harbor no ill will towards my girl friends, and while I’m still a little hurt and left out by the trip, my messed up financial situation assures me that I made the right decision in not going, and that any trip probably would have been a big strain monetarily. Still, the trip makes me feel separate from them, if that makes sense, and this pregnancy already has me feeling separate in the first place! I have built up the courage to really get to know anyone at prenatal yoga but I hope as I keep going that will happen. I’m trying to reach out more to my cousin via phone but the truth is we haven’t been very close since we “grew up” and I don’t feel like I have much to say to her. Plus I still have some very weird feelings about her super easily achieved (while not really trying) pregnancy that keep me from really trying to make a connection with her. I will continue to work on that but in the meantime… I don’t know. I’ve never had a lot of girl friends that live near me and I guess I’m just feeling that even more right now, with this pregnancy changing my life irrevocably before my eyes. I am trying harder to connect with my friends, via phone, email and visits, but I continue to struggle.

I guess those are the big four. Really, they are not so bad, but they are significant issues in my life that I felt needed attention here. If you have any advice on any of them, I’d surely appreciate it!

BUENAS NOTICIAS – I got way more than my five servings of fruit and veggies today and I feel pretty darn good about it.

These are a few of my favorite things…

I don’t have a lot of time to write today, but I wanted to put something out there. So here it is, a few of my favorite things (at the moment and in no particular order)…

1.Tempurpedic Body Pillow. Sure it took OVER A MONTH to get here and sure it still has a funky smell from their “special preparation system” but it feels amazing and makes it SO MUCH EASIER TO SLEEP!

2. New maternity clothes. Now only are they more comfortable, but they keep me from looking large and help me to look pregnant. All pluses!

3. The fact that said maternity clothes are courtesy of my lovely MIL. Seriously, she ROCKS!!!

4. My baby belly. It seems to grow bigger and more defined every day, and I love it!

5. Feeling my baby move. I still have moments when I realized it’s been a while and I start to get just the inkling of anxiety associated with that. But then I remind myself that if I wait patiently I’ll surely feel something, and almost always, within 10 minutes, I do. Every time I feel something, especially when I’ve been “waiting,” it brings the biggest smile to my face.

6. Prenatal yoga. Not only do I get to move my body and feel strong, but I also get to meet other pregnant women. It’s the only place where I am surrounded by other people who are pregnant and get to celebrate how good it feels.

7. Cabbage and broccoli with tofu and spicy peanut dressing salads. Yummy, easy to make and good for me!

8. Mi.Vida and his amazing enthusiasm and support. For someone who wasn’t sure he wanted kids, he sure seems to be excited about all of this. That makes me so happy.

9. Feeling happy… finally! I never thought it would happen during this pregnancy but I’m finally feeling happy, truly content. I’m so thankful for that.

10. Being half way there. I can’t believe I’ll be 20 weeks on Friday. I’m so excited for the second half of pregnancy. It HAS to be better than the first.

I guess that is about it for now. I’m not trying to pretend like there aren’t things that have been stressing me out lately, a lot (more on those later) but I do have so much to be happy about and thankful for, and I want to focus on that for a little bit.

Anything making you happy right now?

BUENAS NOTICIAS – Seems silly to do this when I just did 10. I guess I’ll say that I’m about to go to bed and that always makes me happy!

Dress for the job you want

I’ve always heard that little piece of life advice, you have to dress for the job you want to have, which is meant to mean if you want to be a professional some day you have to dress like a professional now, and not that you should walk around in a space suit, hoping that someday you’ll be an astronaut (I stole that from some movie, but I can’t remember which).

Anyway, in that same vein, I went maternity clothes shopping after my 2nd trimester ultrasound, hoping that by buying clothes meant for pregnant women I would actually look pregnant, and not just fat. And by golly, wouldn’t you know, IT WORKED!

On Friday I went to school in my super comfy low rise pants and maternity T-shirt and pretty much EVERYONE commented on how “all of the sudden” I just look pregnant. I think it helped that my stomach has done some “popping” this week, but still, I’m definitely attributing it to the clothes. If I were dressing in my regular tops, I’d just look like I were bursting from the seams, and not like I have a baby in my belly.

So all in all, I’m quite pleased. I bought an embarrassing amount of clothes (all from Old Navy, and mostly from the clearance rack) but I was careful to think about the following 5 months and my ever expanding belly. I bought some pants (all low rise with stretchy waists and drawstrings, so I can keep wearing them) and tops (again all with “room to move” in the belly and boobs area). I also got some yoga pants, as I desperately needed those and some tank tops to wear under shirts that are too low cut for work (and with these giant ta-ta’s most shirts are). I got so much in fact, that I signed up for an Old Navy Visa and got their 10% discount. That discount, along with everything that was on clearance, made for quite a good deal. I could barely get it all home on public transport.

When I got home I went through all my hanging clothes and got rid of two garbage bags full. For the first time in my life I gave away things I really love, assuming I’d NEVER look good in them again. Many of these were tops I only wore on my best days anyway, and I figure my best days after pregnancy will not be anything like my best days before. I’ve heard that even if (should I be saying when?!) you get back down to your pre-pregnancy weight, your body is just shaped differently. Plus, a lot of them show a lot of cleavage and I can’t imagine my boobs will be coming out of this whole ordeal unscathed.

While I was at work on Friday having everyone notice the sudden appearance of my baby belly, our new cleaning woman was transforming our house. I have to say, it was the best money I’ve ever spent. And now we’re trying really hard to keep it as sparkling as she left it, which is refreshing. We also have a guest this week (the student of my cousin’s yoga studio in Chicago) and that helps us keep things picked up. Our room is still a mess (I told her not to go in there because it wasn’t picked up enough) and that is my project for tomorrow.

I can work on our bedroom tomorrow because this weekend I have a strange lull in my work load. I will be working ahead in my grad school work, but I don’t really need to be (though I definitely SHOULD do). As for work, I don’t have much going on as the 5th graders are away next week at outdoor ed. (thank god we had our big rain storm this past week and not the one coming up). So I can get a ton of grading done next week, when all my mixed classes only have 6th graders, and some have very few 6th graders.

I guess that is all I have to report for now. I have to say, life is pretty darn good. If you had told me in my first trimester that I’d feel happy, content and calm during the second trimester I would have starting bawling with relief. I’m so glad I started Zo.loft, I’m so glad I started yoga, I’m so glad I got a cleaning woman. I’m so glad Mi.Vida is supporting me 100%. And I’m so glad I can already feel this baby doing somersaults inside of me. I really am having a great time. Despite being totally broke (I over drafted for the 5th time this year, only I don’t really have any extra money in savings to move over… uh oh!) and stressed out about money, and still feeling very ambivalent about work, I have nothing I’d change about my current situation. I really am that happy. Thank you SSRI’s and the 2nd trimester!

BUENAS NOTICIAS – I’m going over to my folks tonight for my mothers belated birthday dinner. I LOVE when my parents cook dinner!

So they think it’s a…

… GIRL! But they’re really not sure (they told us not to paint any walls yet). The baby was not in a great position to get a definitive look but they didn’t see boy parts and they thought they saw girl parts… so we shall see. I’m not surprised that Frijolito (or should I start calling her Frijolita?) did not cooperate fully. That is just our luck.

Everything else looks great though, and that is really the important thing. I have to say, I’m so excited to be feeling the baby all the time, I really can’t be bothered to be upset by anything else. My students are going to be a little disappointed not to get a definitive answer tomorrow, though I don’t doubt the girls will take this as an early victory. The good thing about not being sure is I can push back the “name suggestions” for a little longer.

I’m having a hard time at work, just very unenthusiastic to be there. I’m not sure what it is, but this drab attitude hit after the winter break and seems to be going no where fast. Usually my anti-work moods are more negative than this and they last only a week or two. This has been three weeks now and it’s more ambivalence than negativity. It’s just that every day takes forever and I don’t really want to be there at all. I hope this attitude eases up soon or it’s going to be a long five months until summer.

Everything else in life is going pretty well. I’m currently caught up on grad school work and school work (shocking I know!) and that has felt nice. I interviewed a cleaning lady yesterday and she will be coming for the first time tomorrow. We’re only going to have her come every 4 weeks for a “deep clean” as my mother calls it. I can do the sweeping and wiping down of surfaces in between. I feel much better about not having to do so much cleaning for the next five months, and after the baby is born too.

I started going to prenatal yoga twice a week and I like that very much. Most of the women are much bigger than me, and farther along in their pregnancies, which still feels a little weird (I’m not sure exactly why). But there are also a few other women around 18-22 weeks and that is always nice. It feels great to move my body and feel strong and limber again. I’m definitely going to keep it up throughout my pregnancy.

My belly is definitely getting “rounder” but I think I’m still just looking fat (with MASSIVE ta-ta’s). I definitely have been overweight before and this looks very much like that, which can be a little difficult. I know it will transition into “baby belly” at some point, and I’m not as impatient for that anymore, but the “thickness” is challenging my acceptance of my body. I went through a lot of body issues, and I’m definitely handling this much better than I ever could have before, but it’s still bringing up complicated emotions. But I’m really not complaining. I love feeling this baby move and if I need to look fat to feel it, then so be it.

I’m having lunch with my sister today. It’s still raining incessantly here in the Bay Area and I don’t look forward to trekking through public transport in it, but I guess I have no choice. California needs the rain so I will stop complaining.

I shall end this post with some pictures of Frijolito, who’s looking lovely as ever, I might add.

Leg and foot.

Head and belly (from the front).

Head and belly (face down).

Back and bottom.

BUENAS NOTICIAS: Mi.Vida took me to dinner and a movie last night and it was really fun. I highly recommend Up in the Air.