Big Plans

28 more days. 28 more days and I’ll be done pumping. 28 more days and I will be free!

I have so many plans for when I’m done. Big plans! Monumental plans! When I’m done pumping, my new life begins. My new life will be fabulous!

First I’m going to get rid of my pump and my pump parts. I don’t care where they go I just want them OUT. OF. MY. HOUSE.

{I may take a baseball bat to them, I haven’t decided yet. 😉 }

Then I’m going to celebrate. I haven’t decided exactly what I want to do but I want it to be big. Amazing. EPIC.

{It will probably just be a sushi dinner, but I’m going to eat the shit out of a fuck ton of sushi. Also I’m going to drink beer. And take saki shots. And drink beer laced with sake shots. And I’m going to make sure my kids are with their grandparents the next day.}

I’m going to start taking my medicine again. And exercising 3-4 times a week. I’m hoping that fabulous combination (I seriously CANNOT WAIT) will keep the post-breastfeeding weight gain at bay. And will eventually lead to the loss of these last 15 pounds that so far will simply not budge.

I’m going to download the Motivated Moms app and start cleaning my house during Monito’s afternoon nap. I’m going to rediscover the floor of my bedroom, and clean my kitchen floor with an actual mop (and not just damp towels under my feet). I’m going to sweep the living room on a semi-regular basis, and evict the dust bunnies that have taken up permanent residence in the corner of EVERY ONE OF OUR STAIRS. I’m going to vacuum the rug in Osita’s room before it turns into a private beach (seriously, that thing attracts sand from my kid’s shoes like honey attracts bees). My house will still be a mess, but at least it won’t be a disgusting mess.

I’m going to get one more hour of sleep a night. ONE MORE HOUR A NIGHT! That is 7 extra hours a week and over 25 extra hours a month. It’s so much fucking sleep, I’m not going to know what to do with myself. It’s going to be MAHVELOUS!!!! SIMPLY MAHVELOUS!!!!

I’m going to stop watching Netfix without the subtitles on, because I’ll be able to HEAR WHAT THE PEOPLE ARE SAYING.

I’m going to drink coffee and Diet Coke whenever I want, without feeling guilty.

I’m never again going to plan when I have to be home for an hour during the weekend, or how I’m going to pump in the car. I’m never going to make my kid go play by herself because I can’t leave the couch. I’m never going to have to watch my son entertain himself in his chair or on his play mat while I’m chained in place by two plastic tubes.

And last, but not least (in fact this is what I’m MOST excited about), I’m going to get rid of this fucking thrush and live without breast pain for the first time in SIX MONTHS. I’m going to wear a comfortable bra without coconut oil slathered all over my nipples and a cotton nursing pad between my skin and my clothing. My kid is going to brush my chest and it’s not going to send shooting pains through my breasts. In fact, I probably won’t feel a DAMN THING. I can’t even remember what it felt like to not notice my breasts EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY. I can’t wait for the constant pain and itching to go away.

I’M GOING TO SLEEP WITHOUT A BRA FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A YEAR! Heck, I’ll probably sleep naked.

28 more days–four weeks–and all this will be possible. I’m so close, even if it feels so far.

I can endure anything for four weeks. Anything. Even this infernal pumping.

28 MORE DAYS!!!!!