I think apologies are in order

First of all, thank you everyone for your kind words in regards to my last post. I want to apologize for painting a bleaker picture than I think the situation warranted. I think I’m just now realizing that this pregnancy can effect even the way my head works. I remember reading in a miscarriage book that while pregnant, some woman can have a hard time keeping their train of thought. They easily get distracted, forget what they were doing, or just can’t quite pull things together. Not all women deal with this, but many do. I think I am one of those women, and knowing that makes it a lot easier to handle.

I also started reading more of No Death, No Fear and, again, I am enjoying it quite a bit. I’m going to finish it this time because I think it has a lot of wonderful teachings that ground me in helpful realizations. Acceptance feels much more attainable after just a few pages of Thich Nhat Hanh’s wisdom.

As for not feeling well, that is going to happen. I desperately wanted to be pregnant and now I am and I can’t pick and choose what that experience will be like. I promised Mi.Vida I wouldn’t complain too much, and now, when I do, I argue that I’m “informing” not “complaining”. But the last two days have been especially bad, I’ve had really violent vomiting episodes both mornings and I’ve felt just sick both days. I can inform all of you right now that feeling nauseous all day is not fun. But I know this will pass, and I’ve read in two books that people who experience morning sickness are 1/3 to 1/2 less likely to miscarry. Percentages don’t bring me a lot of comfort, but sometimes that makes me smile when I’m so sick I can’t even leave the toilet to get more saltines (I’ve definitely started to loathe saltines by the way, simply loathe them).

I did get a lot done this weekend though. I finally did some dishes that had been sitting on the stove since Monday. I also swept a few floors and did two loads of laundry. I cooked dinner on Saturday night and got a ton of grad school work done Sunday. I also graded three classes worth of tests.  I did all this while taking care of Mi.Vida, whose been sick with either my cold, or the flu or both. He stayed home today with a low grade fever and general body aches. Right now he’s passed out on the couch (for some reason our bed was not a good place to nap). Anyway, so I did a ton of work this weekend while taking care of Mi.Vida, who is quite whiny when he’s sick (not that I am not) and requires that I wait on him all day (well I choose to wait on him).

So that is where I am right now. I do want to apologize for the pity party yesterday. I am feeling a little out of sorts, but it’s nothing I can’t handle. Being sick last week, feeling kind of nauseous most days and being dead tired by 3pm is taking it’s toll. But I have to get my school work done, and my grad school work, not matter how bad I feel. This is okay. I can do it. I just need to give myself extra time and extra understanding when things don’t happen in the manner or at the speed with which I’m accustomed. I know Kate at Bee in the Bonnet is dealing with these same issues right now. Maybe we can navigate them together.

Thank you all for reading as I stumble through this pregnancy. I really appreciate your support.