Disjointed Attempts

Ugh. I tried to write a post. I got three paragraphs in and just deleted it. It was for the best. You can thank me later.

It’s 10pm. I’m waiting for the power drill to charge up (don’t get a chargeable power drill, especially the kind that won’t work even if it’s plugged in. WTF?!?!?!?!) so I can I finish installing the gate at the top of the stairs. Our house is old and nothing was built the right way and I’m guessing there is a 40% chance this gate will work once I install it. I’ll let you know how it turns out. (UPDATE: It didn’t work. The ground is not flat so the gate didn’t match up with the lock AT ALL. I’m waiting for the power drill to charge up again so I can drill four more holes. I HATE THIS POWER DRILL SO MUCH. Oh, and it is now 11pm.)

I got 23 boxes packed at work today. I paid a high school kid to help me and we did all the easy stuff today. Tomorrow is the harder stuff that I have to really sort through as I pack it. My new “room” isn’t really a room, it’s a modular and it’s SMALL and I have to get rid of a lot of stuff. Tomorrow is going to be tough. I’ll probably be down there again on Friday. It kills me that I’m missing so much of my last weeks with my baby boy but I’m trying not to think about it too much. It is what it is. It has to get done.

I’m listening to an interesting parenting book that I was really liking at first, and then it launched into an attachment parenting rant and started bagging on working parents a bit and I could feel the hairs on the back of my neck bristling. I recognize that feeling attacked as a working parent is a BIG trigger for me, so I’m trying really hard to let it go. We’ll see if I succeed. If I end up liking it, I’ll review it here.

I took Monito to the OT this morning. As I suspected, she declared that everything looked great. He could move food to all areas of him mouth and didn’t seem to have any sensory issues. She gave me a lot of great tips for moving forward and I’m glad I went. I’ll pass along the best of the info soon, I promise.

I had a weird experience with one of the mom’s from Osita’s class today. I’ve actually written about her before (a LONG post) that I never published because I felt weird doing so and not long after I wrote it something happened that kind of negated the whole point of the post. Anyway, I’ve thought that maybe we could be friends, as our daughters AND our sons are the same age, she lives really close and we’re both teachers. Sometimes it seems like it might work and then she does weird stuff and I don’t know what to think. I’ve long since stopped actively pursuing her friendship, as that didn’t seem to be getting anywhere and the last thing I want to seem is desperate (especially since I am, so I probably reek of it). Anyway, it just makes me realize how hard finding a friend is–I mean, everything lines up perfectly between us and we still don’t seem to fit.

I asked another mom out for dinner or drinks not long ago (via text) and she said yes, but then later in the text conversation she admitted that she had lost all her contacts with her phone and didn’t actually know who I was. So that felt… awkward. She said she suspected it was me but still, I wasn’t quite sure how to feel about that. I mean, I guess it shows that she’s nice enough to say yes to dinner/drinks with someone without even knowing for sure who it is, but it also feels like I can’t even be sure she actually wants to hang out with me, since she didn’t know who I was when she agreed. Of course she’s leaving this Friday for two weeks in Italy (with her mom and brother, for a wedding, it’s cool, I’m not totally jealous). I’ll let you all know how our “date” goes when she gets back (it totally feels like a date by the way. I feel like I’m on the market, looking to date other moms. Ugh. I sucked at dating romantically, I’ll probably suck at this too.)

Oh, and I lost my Fitbit, so that is totally bumming me out right now.

So that is me at the moment. Trudging through packing my room, trying to baby proof this house, mourning the loss of my FitBit, and trying not to show how desperate I am for a friend to unsuspecting mothers (and I’d be totally open to “dating” women who aren’t mothers, but I honestly don’t even know where I find them. We don’t tend to inhabit the same places these days). It’s, well, kind of tedious, but I’m doing my best to get through.

{I just read through a bunch of posts in my reader and now I feel like a total asshole for being so whiny in this post (and all the my recent posts actually) when there are people with real, honest-to-god, problems in the world. I’m still going to put it up, because I wrote it, but just for the record, please know that I’m aware: me=asshole.}

{That damned power drill better have some juice by now…}

2ND UPDATE: I finally got the gate installed. At 12:21am. Five hours after I started. At least it works.

9 responses

  1. Impressed that you stuck with the gate and finished. That’s awesome! And that is weird about the other mom – but I think it takes guts for her to admit that to you and she probably doesn’t think it’s a big deal because she would have said yes to you regardless! Go – you gotta put yourself out there and all that shit. And crap about the classroom but good for you for asking for help.

  2. Congratulations on the gate getting installed.

    There is a book that I read a few years ago all about a girl who goes out to build her friend base (non-fiction) and she treats all the friend meet-ups as dates. I am blanking on the name, but if you want to read it, I can go find it. It’s an interesting look at why we need female friendships. I’m not sure I agreed with all her points, but… worth a read?

      • I read that book too, and it was enjoyable & I would love to be able to make friends by putting those ideas into practice, but the protagonist–Rachel—had nothing else to do with her life. This was her JOB and she had no kids either. It just seems impossible to bring something like that into an already overly-full life.

  3. I am impressed that you triumphed over the gate. We had so many holes in the wall and one sliced finger (DH not me) that we ended up hiring someone to baby-proof for us. I need some friend dates too, but I’ve only had a couple of playdates and they were a little awkward. I’m just not sure we clicked.

    • Oh and DH and I actually had a double-date with another couple last weekend. He works with the guy and the girl is in grad school. It was fun except that cringe-inducing moment when the female referred to 35-year-olds as “old.” Harumph.

  4. Bwahaha! The power drill stuff, not the other stuff. There’s a mom at X’s school that I’ve gotten together with once for a play date months ago. It was fun and we’ve been trying to get together ever since. Hasn’t worked out. It’s hard! Even just play dates, forget going out for real.

  5. as far as the fitbit goes, i have heard of them replacing it for you if it was lost by it falling out of the sleeve or something like that. It’s worth a try!


  6. E, I’m impressed at your perserverence (ok that is misspelled), at the gate and the other stuff. I would’ve given up and gone to bed ages ago (actually, no, I would have never attempted such a thing. I’m such a wimp I leave power tools to my husband. ugh i”m embarrassed writing that).

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