So, I almost forgot that I’m going to BlogHer this year. It’s in San Jose and I felt like I really should go, so when I heard someone I knew was going, I splurged and bought tickets. I missed the year in New York when so many blogger I knew were going and I’ve always wanted to go since, but this year there is only one blogger I know going and she is going with a friend–and staying with a friend–so I worry I’ll be kind of a third wheel. I also have to get down to San Jose (about an hour drive with no traffic) and back every night, so there won’t be any “parties” for me. Plus, we REALLY don’t have the money (our situation now is much worse than it was so many months ago when I bought the tix), so if I could sell my ticket that would be really helpful. I also realized–suddenly, last night–that I don’t have childcare lined up because I assumed my mom would watch Monito and my in-laws would cover Osita before and after school (if need be) but my mom is having knee surgery on the 14th so she’s out of commission all summer. I don’t even know if my in-laws can watch Monito for me on Friday. They probably can, but I have to check.
It’s funny, I was initially SUPER excited to go to this, I don’t know what has changed. Maybe I’m just nervous? Maybe I’m worried I’ll be sitting alone the whole time. I somehow joined a BlogHer 2014 group on FB and I keep seeing people’s posts and they are all just stressing me out. I don’t know what my deal is. I guess it’s a new experience and I don’t know what to expect and I don’t want to be alone. And it’s not like I’m going to be alone. I know someone going… but what if I can’t find her? Or she has to cancel at the last minute? What if I end up all alone and nobody likes me? I can’t tell you how many people have told me that I came across as a total bitch when they first met me. What if everyone thinks I’m a bitch and I have to sit all by myself, all day? For two days? I guess what it comes down to is, I’m scared. I’m scared of being rejected. I’m scared of being alone.
I guess that is it. And mostly I’m scared because I don’t know many people going, so I wanted to see if maybe people I know ARE going, and I just don’t know yet. No one that I read has written about it, but maybe they are like me and kind of forgot to mention it? That is probably wishful thinking on my part…
I guess the other thing I would ask is if anyone who has gone has any advice for me. Is it worth going just for the conference and not for meeting up with people? (Most people’s number one reason for going seems to be meeting up with bloggers they “know.”) Is there anything I should be doing now to get ready?