So it turns out I can’t see without my glasses.
Which I left at a random tumbling gym about an hour from my house.
I can’t really believe that I can’t see without my glasses. That may seem like a strange thing to say, but it’s true. For the last twenty years it was only my left eye that was bad (I have a diagonal astigmatism), and so my right eye compensated. I had glasses and I sometimes (rarely) wore them, because I could see just fine without them. Over the years, as my left eye got worse and worse, my brain just stopped registering it. My right eye had 20/20 vision so I was fine.
But in the past year, especially since my pregnancy, I’ve had a harder and harder time seeing. At my last optometrist appointment the doctor said that my right eye has an astigmatism too now. It’s very mild at this point but it’s there. I’m assuming, like my left eye, it will just get worse over time.
So now my left eye is basically a blurry mess and my right eye is starting to go. Now when I don’t wear my glasses I can’t read some things. I’ve called the wrong extension at school over a dozen times (I think that page is especially hard for me to read because it’s to my left when I stand at my phone, so I’m seeing it primarily with my crappy eye). I can’t read street signs when I’m driving. I have a hard time reading the small fonts on my phone and I have my computer screen zoomed to over 140%. I spend a lot of time squinting and moving things closer to my face. I feel like my mother.
The weird thing is that moving things closer to my face doesn’t help me see them any better. I’m not near or far sighted, my sight doesn’t improve or get better depending on where I am in relation to what I’m trying to see. My vision is just blurry, no matter what I’m looking at. Sure smaller stuff is harder to make out because it blurs together more easily, so things that are farther away are inherently harder to see, but really, if it’s small enough, I can’t see it, even if it’s right in front of my face.
I can’t really believe that I need glasses. To see. As in, I can’t see well without my glasses. I will have to wear glasses for the rest of my life. That is kind of a terrifying proposition for me. I don’t want to wear glasses forever. I kind of hate wearing glasses. They give me headaches, no matter how light they are, if I wear them all day. They slip off my nose when I sweat, they get dirty and need to be cleaned. I lose them and have to spend hundreds of dollars replacing them.
I can’t wear contacts because diagonal astigmatisms are the most sensitive and if my contacts were to turn ever so slightly, everything would look even more blurry than they do already. I’ve been advised not to try them.
And with my chronic dry eye condition that seems like a recommendation I’ll take to heart.
So glasses it is. For the rest of my life. I know how lucky I am that I haven’t needed them until now, but it’s hard to incorporate them into my identity. I’m just not someone who wears glasses, and I don’t really want to be.
God, I’m going to waste a small fortune on eye wear over the rest of my life. It depresses me just to think about it.
Do you wear glasses? If so, do you more frequently wear glasses or contacts? Any tips for someone whose just starting to wear glasses on a regular basis? Where is the cheapest place to get prescription glasses (because of my astigmatism I have to get my glasses made; it’s never quick or inexpensive.) Am I being melodramatic in feeling so down about having to wear glasses every day?