In the absence of a coherent narrative: BULLETPOINTS!

I want to write a real post. I have a lot of topics I want to tackle, but I can’t seem to find the time to develop a train of thought. I hope to hash out a few of them this weekend, when I’m finished with this month’s copyediting. Oh, and next week is Spring Break! So I’m sure I’ll have time to write then. In the meantime, bullet points, so I can get some of these little thoughts out of the swirling mess that is my head.

– Friday morning is my last 5:30am pumping session. I am so excited about this fact–I can’t wait to be done pumping. I start weening next Tuesday. Bring. It. On.

– My psychiatrist already wrote the script for my ADD medicine. I almost got it filled today when I was at Kaiser canceling my independent subscriber plan, but I was worried that if it were lying around the house, I’d just start weening right away. (I also think it will be $20 cheaper on my new Kaiser plan, and I don’t have a card for that yet.)

– I ordered a four canister case of formula for Monito today. It cost $100! And, if Monito continues at his current rate of 36-40 ounces a day, it will last us less than three weeks. {Is 36-40 ounces too much? He was drinking 25 ounces a day until my in-laws started watching him. They have been offering him a bottle every hour, and he takes them easily enough, so my ILs assume he’s hungry for them. But when he’s with me he can go 1.5-2 hours between bottles (and that seems like a reasonable span between 4oz bottles). What are your thoughts? I emailed his doctor, because I literally think I’ll need a “doctor’s note” to get them to start feeding him less. 40oz of formula a day just seems like too much. Blerg.}

– My poor boy has been really out of sorts lately. He’s drooling a ton, and pulling on his ear a lot, so I assume it’s teething, but I don’t feel anything coming in. I got him an amber teething necklace and it should arrive tomorrow. I hope it helps. He won’t let me put him down, and if I leave the room without him he completely loses his shit. I know he hit a big wonder week not long ago; I think between that, and the teething, he just needs a lot of mommy time right now. We’re becoming more familiar with the ring sling–it really helps with the hour before his bedtime, when I have to make Osita dinner and get her to eat it. I can’t believe he’ll be six months old in less than two weeks. That is crazy.

– I finally told Mi.Vida about all the credit card debt. (Did I mention that I hadn’t disclosed the severity of it? Yeah, awkward…) He took it in stride, though I could tell he was concerned. I don’t think he realized how little I was making during maternity leave, and how hard I was being hit by those unexpected insurance bills every month. He feels confident that we’ll be able to pull out of this quickly, and that we’ll stay afloat more easily now that we’re saving so much every month. I hope he’s right.

– We’re continuing to write down all our expenses. We’ve never made it this far. I hope the results are enlightening. Knowing I have to write down a purchase, and revisit it later, definitely makes me think twice about what I’m buying.

– I’ve been wanting to write a post about how petty I feel like I’ve been lately, but I can’t seem to commit an entire post to it. (Does this reflect a certain self-compassion, or an unwillingness to be honest with myself?) I will say that I am trying to combat this pettiness with empathy and it’s working, for the most part, but I still catch myself thinking petty things, like, “I’d comment on this post, but she never comments on mine,” or, “Why am I always helping so-and-so at work out when she never even thanks me for it?” I always follow up these tit-for-tats with a reminder that I’m not always great at XYZ thing I expect someone else should be doing, or try to put myself in their shoes and think about what I’d want if I were them, and usually it snaps me out of it. But I still have the thoughts in the first place, and it makes me sad, ashamed and embarrassed. I expect more from myself, and frankly, I should.

– I really am trying to comment regularly on a lot of blogs. Sometimes I’m successful at this, sometimes I’m not. Please know that I’m doing my best, and every day I think I get a little bit better.

– I was supposed to see a really funny comedian tonight with a friend from work, but at the last minute the show was cancelled. I’m super bummed about it, more because I was looking forward to the chance to hang out with the friend from work, than for missing the comedian.

– Lately I’ve been experimenting with the idea that I don’t have to be attractive. If I could detach myself from my desire to look differently, I’d be a much happier person. I’m trying to determine why exactly I feel the need to look good, or why I define “good” so narrowly. This self-exploration has inspired some interesting trains of thought. I hope to write more about this soon.

I have to head to bed now. It’s late and I’ve been getting very little sleep this week. I can’t wait to sleep in all next week. (By sleep in, I mean get up after 6:30am.)

What thoughts are swirling around you head of late?

7 responses

  1. On the formula thing, when my MIL was watching B around 4-6 months, she was sometimes giving him FIFTY ounces a day. She basically just fed him when he cried, and he did take it quickly and easily, without spitting up. He did get chunky for a bit though it all came off when he started crawling a couple months later (and MIL left and he went to daycare). I tried really hard to get her to stop, but there wasn’t much I could do. I think L peaked around 32 ounces (4 8-oz bottles) of breast milk at daycare—but he was TINY, 5th percentile. So 40 may be reasonable since Monito is a bigger baby.
    Sounds like a lot of good things coming up for you, excited to read more 🙂

  2. I believe Kellymom has a feeding calculator, i.e. body weight x ounces. You could look there and print it out. That sounds like way too much to me, but I’ve never exclusively bottle-fed.

    Can you still hang out with your friend, even though the comedy show is cancelled? I hate when things like that happen. My sister has a friend who told her recently that she doesn’t care if plans get canceled, and she’s working on reminding herself that other people DO mind and therefore she shouldn’t cancel plans. I cannot imagine being that way.

    And clearly, Ana & I are not the people whose blogs you don’t want to comment on because we don’t comment on yours! I think we’re always your first 2!

    • No, you guys are not the ones I think that about. In fact, you guys are the ones I feel bad about, when I realize I haven’t commented on your posts yet. 😉 I always immediately open your posts in my browser to comment but sometimes I don’t get to it right away. Sometimes I have them open FOR DAYS before I comment. It drives me crazy (because I’m annoyed with myself for not getting it done sooner).

      The people I think that about are the ones that NEVER comment on my blog anymore. Not anyone who is currently commenting. Not that it matters, I shouldn’t think that regardless.

  3. Here is the Kellymom calculator mentioned above: http://kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/pumping/milkcalc/

    Most BF babies eat roughly 25 oz a day, with the typical range being 19-30. I’m curious what your doc would say, but I personally think your ILs are feeding him too often (or too much that often). Harvey drinks 3-4oz every 2.5 hrs during the day right now (or if I’m home he sometimes nurses every 1.5 hrs but I’m guessing only gets 2oz each time)…so roughly 20-25oz/day. I think Stella was a little closer to the 25-30oz range at this age (3mo), but still… 36-40oz is a lot of milk. Probably won’t hurt anything, but your ILs need to try to find other ways to sooth/distract him so he doesn’t think that eating is the only solution to boredom, or if he is a baby who just needs to eat more often, only offer 2 oz each time or something. Again, I’m curious what your doc says on this too!

    I’m glad ma Vida took the news of the debt well. You really do need to work together to get out of it (I’m speaking from experience here).

    Commenting is hard – we all go in spurts. I appreciate how much of an effort you always make to comment.

  4. I apologize for my lack of commenting lately- I’ve been in a blogging rut for a few weeks now- and just haven’t done much with my own or commented on anyone else’s. Trying to pull myself out…

    The debt thing- so hard. I’m glad you were honest with him- my marriage is really scarred because of secrets about money- nothing good comes from keeping them.

    Not really sure about the formula thing, but at 6 months, I think Charlotte was drinking about 24 oz of formula, plus breastfeeding, so you may be ok. But yeah, it’s crazy expensive, so you don’t want to feed him more than he needs!

  5. My FF boy was taking 4-5 six ounce bottles a day by 6 months. He ate on a nearly clockwork 4 hour schedule (his doing as I always approached feeding as feed on demand). It wasn’t long after that he went to eight ounce bottles on the same frequency and schedule. I do also echo the make sure it is hunger and not boredom or general fussiness before offering more food. 🙂

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