Hot Mess (The Postpartum Hormones Edition)

I am a fucking mess right now. A hot, hot mess.

It took me almost a week to realize it’s probably some postpartum hormone crash fucking with me. The emotional roller coaster started right around the time my hair started falling out by the fistful. That should have been my first clue.

I thought maybe it was my period coming back, because it feels like the worst PMS of all time, but it’s been weeks and my period hasn’t come. And the emotional shit storm hasn’t subsided.

I have no idea when it will go away, or even get better.

It’s making me a horrible mom. And a worse partner. Today I told my husband he better find a new home for our cat our I was going to take it to the SPCA myself to put her down.

Yeah. It’s bad like that.

{But to be fair, she is pissing on EVERYTHING.}

I can’t concentrate. I can’t get anything done. I can’t stop crying. I can’t stop screaming at my kid.

I can’t even write. I sit in front of my computer every night and I just can’t write anything. I either don’t want to, or I do want to and nothing comes out. (Ah yes, this explains all the picture posts!)

This sucks. I just want it to be over, but I have no idea how long it might last. It makes everything so hard, parenting, teaching, being a half decent wife.

I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I suppose muddle through and hope that whatever storm of hormones is causing this dies down soon.

Otherwise I might find myself without a job, or family, before this is through.

Ugh. I just want to feel like myself again.

Did you experience a crazy hormone upheaval around four months postpartum (or any other time)? How long did it last? Did anything make it more manageable?

{For the life of me, I can’t remember what this was like after my first pregnancy. I don’t remember this kind of hormonal shit storm at all, but maybe I’ve just erased it from my memories.}

8 responses

  1. My hair came out in chunks, in fact until I cut it last week it still kept coming out. My period returned at 8 w post partum and I definitely had a full break down. Hormones, they be a bitch hang in there x

  2. When I reached the 4 month mark with Raegan I was diagnosed with mild PPD, so yeah…definitely had a crash and I also started my period at that time too. This time around I’ve been on meds, and my period started at 10 weeks post partum so I’ve been a hot HOT mess since basically November. Who knows if I’ll ever normalize? So you’re not alone…and yes my hair is falling out in hands full….Gonna be bald by May 🙂

  3. Not this severe, but I remember feeling like my hormones were way out of whack, almost like I was on some kind of drugs. It was just disconcerting, not feeling like myself. I didn’t feel that way with J at all, only with C. It gradually subsided. I hope yours does, too!

  4. Oh my god I am so glad you wrote this. I am going through the same thing. I too thought maybe it was my period but no… Then I even wondered of I could be pregnant. It’s been four months for me too and my hair is falling out in waves and I am a hot mess. Glad to know I’m not the only one!

  5. Can’t help much with the hormones (I went through everything BUT that), but I may be able to assist slightly with the cat. Ours starting doing the same thing around the time the twins were born, and it ramped up recently, to the point where my very-much-non-PPD husband was talking the same way you were. We put her on Prozac and things have GREATLY improved. We also started scooping her litter box once a day religiously, put some soft mats in front of the litter box (we had some pointy mats that were good at catching cat litter, but apparently hard on her feet) and started sprinkling something called Ultra Litter Attractant on the cat litter, and the random peeing has…stopped. Cold turkey. She even stopped peeing on — and started sleeping on — the couch she had peed on, before we got rid of it (sigh). I know, I know — the LAST thing you want to be doing when you have two littles is take on more cat duty, but I don’t think the peeing situation is hopeless (assume you’ve the cat tested for a UTI…you know, in your copious spare time?).

    Having digressed, let me say that I’m so sorry you’re going through this — how nightmarish. Hope it’s over soon and you have some well-deserved peace (in a hormonal sense, at least)…

  6. Mine is 3 months exactly. I’m just moving past giving birth/accepting a loss and all of a sudden I’m bald and crazy. It’s so bizzare and it happens every time.
    I’ve never really recovered fully from having G even except when I was finished nursing and after our first loss, smoked again for a few months. So I have various theories about the brain damage I did by becoming addicted to nicotine. Then there’s the eternal ongoing grief to contend with. But with exercise, letting my hormones balance by not getting pregnant, and time, I eventually attain a place that is livable. Given enough time I think I’ll find a healthier place.
    Until then I exercise daily and I do my best to breathe deep. It’s a minutely/hourly/daily struggle. Sending love.
    Also, I’d find the cat a healthy loving home, now is the worst time to be dealing with the needs of yet one more living being.

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