Tiny Reminders

The other day I put up this picture on FB with the following caption:

I wonder if I’ll ever stop being surprised (and so, so grateful) that he’s here. #secondaryinfertility #oneoftheluckyones


I’m not quite sure why I put up status updates like that. I think I just want to make sure that other people in my feed, the ones who might be hurting and longing, know that I remember where I come from, that I don’t forget how lucky I am, how it could have been, just as easily, perhaps more easily, the other way around for me. His presence in my life is the ultimate gift, one I never take for granted, and I suppose I want people to know that.

And I think I want to remind everyone else, the ones who didn’t struggle, that not everyone gets to see their children as an inevitability, the obvious result of a desire to build a family. For some of us, our children’s presence in our lives is anything but inevitable. We had to fight for them, we had to imagine our lives without them, and we never forget what that imagined life looked like.

We never forget how lucky we are to live the other life, the one we barely let ourselves dream we’d be lucky enough to experience.

Do you ever make mention (large or small) of your infertility struggles? What do you hope to accomplish by doing so?

9 responses

  1. I make mention quite a bit when there’s a good link or video to share. In person, I tell everyone about our journey. My goal is to make others feel less alone if they’re going through the same type of thing. Strength in numbers.

  2. I never talk about it. Ever. To anyone. It was very hard for me to process while we struggled through it. I have finally been able to put it behind me and talking or having others talk about it is a painful reminder of a hard past. Perhaps if it hadnt taken SO much or so long for us I could talk about it. But now, I cannot. I am forever thankful that we were able to be blessed with a sweet bundle.

  3. What a great photo! I do talk about our struggles pretty much every chance I get. In part because I know others might be struggling with infertility as well, and in part, as you said, to remind others that it doesn’t always come so easily. My growing belly advertises a fertility that isn’t entirely true, and I want people to know that we went through a lot to get to this point.

  4. Ok sorry I saw the picture before the words. I talk about it all.the.time I want people to know so they think before they speak and they understand how incredibly lucky they are. I also do it because you will be surprised how many other people are going through the same thing. I openly tell people that Molly is IVF and PERFECT. I am not telling people left right and centre about going through it at the moment but if successful then yep, I will let them now. My infertility is my badge of honour. It defines who I have become. And, still love that photo.

  5. Great pic of you and your little man. He’s so stinkin’ cute! 🙂

    Although I didn’t struggle with infertility, miscarrying our twins nearly destroyed me and I’m thankful everyday that my subsequent pregnancies since then gave me two beautiful kids.

    Being plugged into this online community of women and what the went through, or are going through, to have a baby further highlights the fact that the process of having a baby is far more complicated than we all probably thought when we were teenagers/young adults trying not to get pregnant.

  6. I tell people about our IF journey too. I think at first I kept it to myself because I was embarrassed something was wrong with me. When I finally opened up, I realized that IF is MUCH more common than I had thought originally. You two are just so cute, I LOVE that picture of you guys!

  7. Yep, same as you, I often post captions or links to articles that reference Infertility. I just want ppl to know they’re not alone if they’re struggling with the ALI journey, and I want ppl who conceived easily to realize it’s not that easy for everyone (I had no idea before we had our own struggles).

  8. I think it is wonderful that you want to reference your infertility, and of course that you are grateful. But you don’t have be grateful all the time (that’s allowed, you know?!). I think talking about infertility and referencing your journey, and talking about gratitude are in some ways different things. I’m thinking on this … obviously I’m coming from a different perspective …

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