Existential Crisis (of the privileged)

I have to admit, I’m not really surprised that it’s happening. And I assure you I’m not taking it all that seriously. But it sucks all the same.

Going back to work seems to have inspired a bit of an existential crisis. Ultimately it’s pretty boring, because you know, privilege and all that, but it’s been casting a shadow on things of late, causing me to wonder if this is really what life is all about.

Of course by “this” I mean, well… every day life. The monotony of the day to day. The realization every Monday that I’m not all that thrilled to embark on the next 12 hours at all. Oh, and that most other Mondays in my life will be exactly like this one. So… yeah?

I want to assure you all that this is not generalized depression, or some late start PPD (although I did entertain the notion for a day or so). I know what depression feels like (in me) and this is not it. It’s not that I don’t want to do anything, or feel hopeless about my life, it’s just that, when faced with the reality of the day to day, I’m not all that excited about it. I just feel really… meh. And meh makes the days drag. It’s boring. It’s uninspiring. It’s a total bummer.

Okay, maybe I’m a wee bit depressed, but it’s definitely not clinical. I’m sure I’ll manage to shake it. I guess I’m just trying to figure out what the point of all this is. Which is such a shitty thing to say. I have a wonderful husband, these two amazing children, a house in the city I love, a job that allows me to pay for all of what I need and most of what I want. I have it better than the vast majority of humans on Earth and yet all I can muster is…meh? That is embarrassing. It’s a slight to all the people trudging through much tougher existences than my own.

I suppose I just have to learn how to really appreciate the little things, so that they can fill up my days (and my cup!) with small points of light, until one day I realize that every day shines.

Do you ever feel meh about life? What do you do to shake it?

8 responses

  1. I feel “meh” about my life every winter. I feel it now. Sure, I love being with my kids every day but our days are so boring right now with frigid temps, and a baby who needs a morning nap. Matthew and I used to get out every day by 10 am, and now we just hang out. And get bored with each other. While Bryson sleeps.

    So yeah, I feel you. I don’t know what to do to shake it. Baby needs to nap!

    • Oh, that must be really hard! I remember being scared about that, about being stuck at home again because of the baby’s two or three nap schedule. I always hated working around that when my daughter was younger (I LOVE going out and doing things). Right now Monito can still sleep wherever and only takes little 30-45 naps even when we’re at home so I don’t feel bad carting him with us on the weekends, but once he’s really napping and needs to be home, I bet we’ll be splitting up so that I can take Osita somewhere fun and MV can stay home with Monito. Accommodating naps is no fun (IMHO).

  2. I blame winter. I feel very meh about everything every year around this time and continuing until there are hints of spring (first thaw, first mud puddle, last year it was a crocus that bloomed through a couple inches of snow). Nothing exciting happens during late winter and it just drags on… Hopefully soon it is nice out and life is less glum. My kid keeps announcing that there are only 5 more weeks of winter so there’s hope. Where we live, the PA groundhog is profoundly wrong but it’s cute that she’s so convinced that SPRING WILL BE HERE.

  3. I have to break up my week. So my Wednesday won’t mirror my last Wednesday, we go out to eat. Or we hang out at a book store. Change up the week. I get tired of routine. I get bored. And then I start this…”is this all there is…” and well, I get antsy and depressed. So, I HAVE to change things up. If I want my family to be happy around me, it’s something I have to do.

    I feel ya though. And to quote my therapist, who I’m sure got this somewhere else, “Appreciate that life is made up of moments. We tend to think of life as the passage of days, weeks, years and decades. But, in essence, life is made up of moments”… and this helps me.

  4. My strategy is usually to come up with small things to look forward to. One fun thing coming up in a few days can get me through a lot and sometimes even change my overall mood. IT would be great to feel better about your job, but as long as it’s just meh and not total dread, that should help.

  5. Yeah, I felt like that a lot over the past year even with therapy and a half dose of meds. It was situational and eventually worked out without upping the dose. Sometimes it just takes a while to adjust. Hang in there.

  6. I definitely have days like this. I am not depressed so I think it is more emotional rather than clinical depression. And as Courtney said winter can really suck the life out of you, even if where you live isn’t as extreme as other parts of the world. I always find myself questioning life in the middle of winter. A family mini break is what you need! Sometimes every day life really gets me down. The idea of cooking dinner every single night makes me so pissed and irrationally angry at the moment. And dishes. And washing. And making the god damn bed. Hmm, it’s summer here I am putting my shittiness down to IVF.

  7. It is hard to come to terms with no more exciting big life changes coming up. I get it. Maybe work to create something special to look forward to each day – a special coffee or treat – or each week. But good to get these thoughts out.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s