I just wrote a whole post, and published it, and now it’s no where to be found. Weird, and super annoying. I don’t even know if I want to write it again.
Last week I lost my sunglasses. They were prescriptions and cost a lot of money. I just got them a couple of months ago and I’m so bummed out they are already gone. I wore them last Wednesday morning to take Osita to school. Then I went to Aaron Brothers on the way home. By that afternoon, they were no where to be found. I kept thinking they’d show up, I was sure they were around somewhere. Now it’s been over a week and I’ve given up hope, especially after I cleaned up the house.
I’m really bummed that I lost them. Really, really bummed. And angry. And frustrated. And ashamed. I feel like shit on a shoe about it. We didn’t really have the money for me to buy them in the first place, but I did, and now I’ve lost them. It’s like I threw $300 away.
This coming Monday–my first back at work–I have to turn in my Letter of Intent, which tells my school district if I want to return next year year at 80% (like I am now) or full time. I’ve had the paper laying around for weeks and now that I need to turn it in I can’t find it. After scouring my house for an hour I finally gave up and emailed the HR woman, requesting another one. I was so embarrassed that I had to ask for a second copy. I mean, I’m 33 for fuck’s sake!!! When am I going to stop doing this shit?
I also lost my fit bit. I actually lost it months ago, and then found it in the cushions of my parents’ couch. Then I brought it home and promptly misplaced it again. It must be somewhere around my house, unless it got thrown away. That is always my fear, that stuff got thrown away (I’m sure that is what happened to that stupid Letter of Intent).
I’m just so sick of losing shit. I’ve been doing it my whole life. I’ve lost so many important things: so many pairs of expensive sunglasses, pieces of jewelry, wallets, keys, personal electronics. I spend my life in a state of low-grade anxiety, wondering when I’m going to realize that I’ve lost something important. Losing shit makes me feel awful about myself. It’s a huge detractor to my self-esteem. It’s all wrapped up my in my issues with clutter and ADD. It devours massive amounts of time. It has even ruined vacations. It just sucks. Period. The end.
Seriously, sometimes it really sucks being me, an adult who can’t keep track of even her most important possessions. I just really wish I could stop doing this. It detracts from the quality of my life and makes me miserable. It. Just. Sucks.
Do you lose things? How does it make you feel when you do?