I’ve hit a low point in both my relationship with Mi.Vida and breastfeeding. It’s not a mere coincidence that the two coincide. Things have been hard and I’m struggling. We had some great days this weekend but even those were laced with significant challenges. We’re both exhausted and at our wit’s end. Osita continues to struggle mightily with the transition. I don’t remember reading that it was this hard for older siblings in any of the blogs I read but some books suggested it would be a real challenge. I wonder if it’s all because she is 3.5 years old and so aware of everything that is going on. It seems it’s much easier for two year olds but maybe that not the case. Maybe it would have been this hard for my daughter no matter what.
As for breastfeeding I don’t know quite what is going on but my right breast (the one we’re much better at achieving a decent latch on) is really hurting me. Like excruciating pain, hurting me. It could be mastitis but it looks like it was just badly bruised. It’s horribly painful all the time but when he eats it’s almost unbearable. I tried to pump last night and feed him a bottle but it was a total disaster. He wouldn’t take it (even when MV attempted) and ended up basically crying himself to sleep. The he woke up every 30-45 minutes for three hours trying to get more than a few drops out of my tapped out chest. It was miserable and makes me feel even more trapped in this dysfunctional breastfeeding relationship than I did before.
I have an OB appointment tomorrow to get my breast looked at and my 6 week check up, plus a lactation appointment, is the next day. I wish I could say I thought they’d have something helpful to contribute but my guess is only time will make this better. Until the pain subsides I’m popping ibuprofen like it’s candy and icing it when I can. Seriously, why can I not catch a break?
So that is where we are right now, at the nadir of quite a few things. I suppose the good news there is no where to go but up?
My daughter just woke up and after I settled her again she told me that I was the best mommy in the world and she loves me with all her heart (direct quote). If that isn’t a good reminder of what is ultimately important I don’t know what is. I’ll just have to carry that with me through the next week and hope things get better.