To say our first four days at home as a family of four have been difficult would be an understatement. My daughter not only had a gnarly cough but a stomach bug of some kind. We thought we’d have two days at home with baby while our daughter was at school but of course she couldn’t go when she was so sick, so instead we had four days of a very sick, unhappy three year old who was not pleased with how unavailable her mother was. Even without the constant changing and washing of bed sheets it would have been really, really difficult.
Sunday our daughter was finally feeling better and that night she was actually in a good mood. I got to spend quite a while with her that afternoon reading books and snuggling in bed, so later that night when I was feeding baby brother she was happy to be playing with daddy.
So for about twenty minutes I fed my son and watched my partner and daughter get exceedingly silly in the make believe games they were playing. For the first time I was seeing a glimpse of what are new family looks like, what our new life might look like and I was struck by the fact that I’d finally arrived at the end of my journey. I have my two children, my family of four. There was a time, not long ago, when I thought this dream would never be realized and now it has been. It’s an incredible feeling, having arrived at this life I thought might elude me.
And right now my son sleeps soundly on my chest while I type this. He is here. After all the struggle to conceive him, all the anxiety that he might not arrive safely, he is here. My family of four has been realized and every time I am reminded of that is an absolutely perfect moment.