Ready as I’ll ever be

Friday was my last day at work. All my sub plans and copies have been ready since Monday, but I had a lot of work to do organizing and cleaning my room and grading papers and entering grades in my grade book. It was surreal to finally walk out of my classroom knowing I wouldn’t be back teaching until the beginning of February (my tentative return date). As I pulled out of the parking lot I said to myself, “Holy shit, I’m having a baby next week.” And then I promptly broke into wracking sobs because I still can’t believe how lucky I am to be having a second child. It’s hard for me to wrap me head around, even after these long nine months.

Yesterday my mom came to clean my house. Mi.Vida was at an all day music festival (I told him to go and have his last hurrah) and Osita was at my in-laws (who have been so insanely amazing taking her over the past month to give me time to rest) so it was just my mom and I at home cleaning. My mom did all the hard work and spent HOURS in my disgusting kitchen giving it a deep clean. I tidied much of the rest of the house, vacuumed and mopped floors and got my room organized enough to move the co-sleeper and rock n’ play chair next to my side of the bed. The whole house is basically clean now (though some trouble spots remain) and I suppose I’m as ready as I’ll ever be for this baby to make his grand debut.

I’ve had light contractions pretty much all day but I don’t have much hope that they’ll progress to actual labor. I’ve had FIVE false starts in the past three weeks and can’t really imagining anything coming of these light contractions. The good news is I’m not longer stressed out about whether or not they will become actual labor because I know that Tuesday we’ll be getting things moving no matter what.

In the meantime I have a new ailment and it’s a doozy. I’m not sure if you know what a prolapsed pile hemorrhoid is but I’m not going to explain (and I don’t suggest you google image search it because THAT is a mistake you can never unmake). Suffice to say that it’s INCREDIBLY painful and it has me all the more scared of labor and especially pushing. I’m hoping that they can do something about mine while I’m in the hospital after the baby is born because after labor it’s going to be excruciating and I can’t imagine going home with it worse than it is now. I can’t believe I have to deal with this on top of everything else right now; it just makes me want to get this baby out that much sooner.

Otherwise all seems to be well. I’m done at work. My house is clean. All the baby’s stuff is ready. Our bags are packed. My in-laws are on high alert to come pick up Osita when the time comes. At the very most I have 2.5 days left before I’m in the hospital preparing to bring him home. He’ll be here middle of next week! EEK!

I still can’t believe how incredibly lucky I am to be having this baby. When I think of where I was 10 months ago, saving money for one Hail-Mary round of ART, reading up on adoption, following a strict TCM diet so we could give our reproductive systems the best shot of making a baby, I never in a million years thought I’d be here right now, at the end of October, readying to welcome another baby into the world. Sometimes I still wonder if I’m going to wake up from this amazing dream. I hope I never do.

6 responses

  1. Our end dates are upon us…we will do this and have our boys in our arms soon! I’m just a tiny bit jealous I have to wait 2 extra days, but I’d wait 5 if it meant I could have my favorite OB do the delivery…which is why I’m waiting the extra couple of days 🙂 Good luck and I’ll be anxiously awaiting to hear when your little man makes his way into this world…

    PS so sorry about the hemorrhoid thing…and I hope you can find some relief….I’ve been having issues in that area as well…

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