Thank you all for your kind words of support and understanding on my last post. This is not how I wanted to spend the final months of my last pregnancy, but it’s the hand I’ve been dealt and I’m trying to manage it as best I can. With that in mind, I hope you’ll read this post with the same mindset of support and understanding and that you’ll respond without criticism, even if you don’t agree with the steps I’m planning to take.
So, we have a plan. Thank god we finally have a definitive plan.
If this baby doesn’t come before his due date–next Tuesday, 10/22–I’ll be induced. I’m not excited about an induction but I’m way more scared of going past my due date than the issues that arise with an induction. I know ultrasounds are not definitive as far as measurements go, but this baby’s head was measuring 40weeks over THREE WEEKS AGO. It’s going to be big head and it’s going to be hard to get out and the future health of my vag is more important to me than one day. I also feel so much better mentally and emotionally since being told I have an induction date that I know this is the best decision for me during this pregnancy.
This changes everything though and I’m trying to reconcile what I thought would happen with what will happen. I understand that many women reading this won’t understand why I’m rushing this baby’s birth. I understand that “babies come when they are ready.” But I also understand that I’ve had chronic pain since my daughter was born and haven’t enjoyed sex once in the last 3.5 years. I want to enjoy sex again and I can’t imagine I’ll be able to do that if my son is born much later than next week. He will probably be 9+ lbs as it is and his head will be quite large. I need to protect my vag and at 38+ weeks (non-adjusted) I know he’s cooked enough to come out.
Still, I can’t really believe this is happening. My body has been so ready for so long, I don’t know why it hasn’t happened yet. I’ve done so much to try to get him out but to no avail. I never thought I’d make it to this week, let alone next week and yet here I am. I’m SO GLAD I didn’t leave work this week. I would be a basket case if I were sitting at home burning my sick days.
So that is my plan. It’s not ideal. I don’t love it, but it’s what I feel is the best under the circumstances, considering the suggested size of this baby and my current mental health. I’m hoping that starting at 5cm dilated and 60% effaced I won’t need much to push me into active labor. I’m also hoping it will go fast once it has started. I’m very open to an epidural if the pitocin induced contractions are too much. There is a good chance I’ll be having back labor anyway and I promised myself I wouldn’t make myself go through that again, especially not without a birthing coach.
One of the major changes is that we’ll be having this baby at the Kaiser hospital in San Francisco, not in Redwood City. This is a big change, but my OB will be on call the day I’m to be induced so I think this is a good pay off for being at a different hospital than we had planned. It will be also a lot easier for Osita to visit with her grandparents. So while I’m not thrilled to be changing hospitals when we had such a good experience at the one in Redwood City, it’s worth it for me to have an induction date.
So that is our new plan. I appreciate that you may not agree with it and it may not be what you would do, but it’s what I feel is best for me and my family given the circumstances and I appreciate your support or silence.
Only five sleeps until Tuesday.