Thank you for your words (UPDATED)

I don’t know about all of you out there in the ether, but when I set a blog to publish in the night, while I’m sleeping, I wake up eager to see if anyone has responded. Feeling the connection through people’s comments is one of the main reasons I keep writing this blog. That connection, that community, is my life line.

So last Friday, when I put up that post, I was sad that no commented. I kept refreshing my inbox, waiting for an email from WordPress but none came.

I assumed it was because I posted on a Friday, because the post was about pregnancy, because of my warning not to read if baby loss was a trigger. I mean, who in this community doesn’t consider baby loss a trigger? Surely that is why no one reached out, because they hadn’t read it in the first place.

Still, I had poured my heart out in that post. I had laid my fears bare for the world to see. I was hoping at least someone would reach out to me, that at least someone would understand.

The next day I wasn’t at all surprised that no one commented on my bump comparison. That shit was boring even for those who like to see baby bumps. Still, I felt a loneliness deep inside and I started having those conversations with myself about whether or not I’d keep writing if no one ever responded. I also chided myself a great deal for not commenting enough. We can’t possibly ask for that which we’re not willing to give.

I forget what brought me to my own blog early this morning but I’m so glad I went there and scrolled down to Friday’s post, because there, at the bottom, was the little note that told me there were nine comments. Nine comments that had been sitting at the bottom of that post for over two days while I assumed no one had read or responded. I was flabbergasted; how had I gotten nine comments and not know about it? I quickly clicked over to my email and checked my spam folder and sure enough, over a dozen comments were sitting there, unread. For some reason gmail decided to start forwarding my WordPress emails to spam and I missed all the alerts to your kind words.

Reading through all the heartfelt comments on that Friday post I was so filled with love and gratitude. I can’t tell you how much all your words meant to me. I have reread them again and again today, finding strength in all of you when my own resolve falters. I felt you all there with me when I explained my fears to my OB, trying (and failing) to keep my voice from cracking into that thin whisper of those who are losing the good fight against unavoidable tears. I thought of you all as I let those same tears fall in the elevator on the way out of the building and I thought of you all when I pulled myself together later in my car.

So I guess all of this is just a long, drawn out way of saying thank you. I never realized how much much your words mean to me until I thought you weren’t leaving them for me to find. And while I’m super annoyed at my email for tricking me like it did, I’m grateful for the reminder of how important comments are. I am determined to remember that as I read posts this summer, to be generous with my own words of support, whether I think people are writing for them or not.

UPDATED NOTE: I hope this post doesn’t make anyone who does not or has not been commenting feel bad. That was not my intent. I have been a piss poor commenter of late myself. I probably comment on 1/10 of the posts that I read, and that is most assuredly a generous estimate. I know why comments don’t get left, even when someone has something to say (which is definitely not all–or even most–of the time, I’m sure). There have been so many instances where I haven’t left a comment because the idea of navigating the comment box (and then captcha) on my phone makes me literally cringe. So I GET IT. I really do. But I also want to let all those people who do take the time to comment, on ANY post, know that I appreciate their words. I know it’s not always easy to leave them, and they mean a lot, so thank you. And a HUGE thank you also to those people who read because that is also a gift, knowing my words are read. So thank you to everyone who frequents this blog. I very much appreciate it.

Are comments a big reason why you blog? How do you feel when an important post doesn’t get the response you hoped for or expected?

6 responses

  1. I take heart in the page views, myself, because at least for me, I don’t always have words to comment but I am listening and thinking and praying for all yall. I assume the same is true for other people too, that even if it isn’t anything that gets commented on, someone read it and they are probably just like me, with no words that feel right. You’ll notice that I have missed commenting on a whole bunch of your posts, and it isn’t that I’m not reading, it’s that I’m not in a place to know what to say.

  2. I am OLD. My children have completed their families. I feel shy about commenting because my life is in such a different place today. But I remember vividly when it was where yours is, small children, fertility and miscarriage, career and family … the whole thing. I try and read what you write everyday…like a grandmother I care, and I hope for wonderful news and joyous time for you. And, I remember. But I do not comment much, because…. well, I am old and do not want to be creepy … I am the stranger who keeps her hands to herself but smiles at your babies and is SO HAPPY for you…

  3. “the idea of navigating the comment box (and then captcha) on my phone makes me literally cringe.” YES. THIS. Why can’t they come up with an easier way to comment on the phone? It drives me crazy, since now I read blogs 99.9% of the time on my phone. And this is the ONLY reason that I don’t comment on all your posts. I read every single one and think of you so often.

    I know you’ve said it lately too, but feel like the blogosphere (and also commenting) is really slow right now. I hope it picks up or I need to find some new blogs to read 🙂

    I will admit a big part of why I blog is the comments. I cherish each one and get a thrill when I get an email alert that I have one. I really need to do better about responding to comments- which I don’t at all right now. I’m planning to switch to WP soon so hopefully I can get that going.

    Keep writing- I’m reading (and wanting to comment, whether it actually happens each post or not!)

  4. I would love to comment more often. I, too, read mostly on my phone and struggle with the commenting. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve typed a whole comment on my phone, only to have it disappear.

    I love when people leave comments for me and I also love reading the comments on other people’s blogs. It makes me feel a real connection to others.

  5. How stressful to feel like absolutely no one is commenting!!! So sorry about that technology mishap!

    I love comments, and I’m not afraid to admit it. After I post something on my blog, I check my phone every hour or so. I love getting the feedback and feeling that give/take in relationships…even online ones.

  6. I hate how smartphones have made people comment so much less! It really isn’t okay, and yet I find myself doing it too. I would say I write about half for the usefulness of just writing and about half for the feedback. but it is frustrating when people don’t comment. I am trying to be better about it.

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