**This post is pregnancy related. Please click away if you’re not in the right place to read about that kind of thing.**
Today I went in for a little reassurance ultrasound before my trip to NYC later this week. I really wanted to go in at 9 weeks but that was when I was on my trip and since I had today off (it’s Spring Break) I decided to go a bit before, instead of after. I also hoped to see all was well before I told college friends at the wedding I’m attending in NYC. I’d never get away with staying sober unless I had a REALLY good reason (pregnancy is probably the ONLY excuse that would suffice).
And today, at 8w4d, all was well. Our little Regalito’s heart was beating away. I could totally make out his head and body and arms and legs and he even wiggled around quite a bit. I am officially smitten. Actually, I’m head over heels in love.
I’m sorry I haven’t been posting much of late. For me to disappear for five days is a rarity but the nausea and exhaustion are pretty debilitating. I also apologize for not commenting; I just… can’t right now. I kind of expected (naively) that this pregnancy would parallel my last and that my symptoms would decrease about now but instead the opposite is happening. If I have 4-8 more weeks of waking up to retching stomach bile ahead of me I don’t quite know how I’ll make it. And teaching… ugh. I swear the kids can sense my weakness and they are ripping me to shreds. Not really sure how I’m going to get through this if it keeps up. I guess one day at a time.
I do have some legitimate posts rumbling around in my head but for right now I’m just going to focus on my perfect moment: seeing my little miracle wiggling around on the ultrasound screen. At 8 weeks there is only a 1.5% chance of miscarriage (or so says a research paper that I’m choosing to believe) and I’m focusing on how good our chances are, not of what still might go wrong. Because something could always go wrong. And yet everything could eventually go right. At this moment I am reveling in this gift we have been given. There is a part of me that still can’t really believe this is happening.
Then I start retching again and I’m reminded that it is, in fact, real. 😉