Cloud Nine

This morning I was an anxious wreck. And then we saw the heartbeat and I was immediately on cloud nine.

Today I absolutely fell in love with this tiny life inside of me.

Mi.Vida is similarly enamored of our second child. We both just can’t believe that this is our life, that we may, in nine months, be having another baby.

I have everything I could ever hope for right now. My life is, quite simply, perfect. I just don’t understand how any of this came to be.

I know I’m only 7 weeks and hardly out of the woods yet, but I’m focusing on the fact that there is less than a 5% chance of miscarrying at this point, and that pregnancies that are marked by morning sickness (which we have plenty of around these parts) are significantly less likely to end in miscarriage. I know I could still be in that small percentage–lord knows I have before–but right now I’m focusing on how GOOD our chances are. How LIKELY it is that we’ll bring home another baby.

The other thing that has just blown me away by this incredible experience is this community. Truly, there are no words to express my gratitude. To have so many people lift me up when I’m an anxious mess and celebrate with me when I get good news… that is truly more than I ever could have hoped for.

Lately I’ve read some posts about the anger and frustration people can feel toward this community. I totally understand that sometimes this community is not what people want or need it to be–and sometimes it can be downright disappointing. I know I’ve felt my share of frustration toward is as well. But honestly, after the support I’ve received, I can’t speak kind enough words about this community, about the support I am given because of my blog. There is simply nothing else in my life (besides my family) that is as positive or rewarding or gratifying. I am just so humbled by all of you each and every time that I write.

Mi.Vida left for SXSW today, almost immediately after our appointment. We were both so worried that we’d get bad news and then he’d have to leave me alone to deal with the aftermath. Instead we grinned like newly weds the whole way to the airport, congratulating each other over and over again for this incredible miracle in our lives.

I’m still quite sick, but I’m forcing myself to eat–despite being miserable doing so–which keeps the vomiting at bay. I will admit that it’s really difficult teaching when I feel this bad but I’m hoping that it won’t last too much longer. And I’m reminding myself that I managed it last time so I can manage it again.

I’m not scheduled for another appointment until 12 weeks but I called today requesting an appointment at almost 9 weeks (right before I leave for a five day trip) just to put my mind at ease. I’ve read of so many women who get to 12 weeks only to find out they lost their baby sometime around 8 weeks. Taking progesterone supplements, I’m especially worried about a missed miscarriage and I would love to know that everything is fine after that dreaded 8th week that scares me so. We’ll see if Kaiser accepts my request. If not I can always shell out $300 to get an ultrasound at my RE’s office. Or I can suck it up and wait until 12 weeks like a “normal” pregnant woman.

I’m sorry I haven’t been commenting much lately. This nausea makes reading and typing difficult. I promise when I feel better I’ll be back to my old blogging self. In the meantime, THANK YOU for everything. Truly, I do not have the words to express my gratitude.

11 responses

  1. So happy for you! And yes, you need to eat, even if you don’t feel like it. If you don’t eat, you’ll feel worse. I can’t imagine standing in front of a classroom and feeling that way, though.

  2. I’m so happy that you got to hear the heartbeat yesterday! I completely understand the anxiety about week 8. Go with what your heart needs, even if it costs money. Mostly, just keep feeling good about this baby, your family, and your community. So far, it’s all been wonderful news and you’re on a great journey with this little one!

  3. My Dear Esperanza, I am so with you on this. Being terrified up to this point, but knowing the nausea, the vomit, and the exhaustion is for a very good reason. A tiny heart beating in there. And when the symptoms ebb and flow, I need to remember that is normal and the baby is doing just fine. I have no reason to believe otherwise. Countdown to my next u/s on Monday….wish you could get a freebie. Ever thought of going to a U/S school and get it for cheapie? Hugging you and dancing on cloud 9 for you too, and a little for me 🙂

  4. I think it seems totally reasonable to have an ultrasound at 9 weeks, especially if you’re going on a trip. You want to be able to enjoy yourself and have peace of mind.

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