Mi.Vida told his parents that we’re pregnant.
“See.” (Said in a told-you-so voice.)
Not long ago, Mi.Vida’s father sat across from us and declared that what we needed to do was to just relax. If we could just manage that, we’d definitely get pregnant.
At the time I kept it together. In fact, I didn’t say a damn thing, but there was so much I wanted to say.
When I announced this pregnancy here I declared it a miracle. And I truly believe that it is. But it’s also something else. It’s a cliché.
This pregnancy is a fucking cliché. It happened the month we weren’t trying, the month we were “relaxed” as it were, the month we just let things happen without forcing them, without trying to control anything. We are that cliché, the one that urges people to advise those struggling to “just relax.”
Is that why we got pregnant? Because we weren’t trying? Is this pregnancy not a miracle that happened despite our diagnoses, but instead the inevitable result of us finally just relaxing? Could we have avoided all that heartbreak if we just didn’t care so much to begin with?
I will admit, I kind of hate being the cliché. I love the surprise nature of this pregnancy, I love that it happened without us thinking it ever could, but I hate that we’ve been relegated to the cliché. That we’ve become a reason for others to shove “just relax” down an infertile’s throat.
Blerg. Why does everything have to be so complicated?