Knocked Down

Since we started testing, Mi.Vida and I have received a number of severe blows. We keep getting knocked down, over and over again. We try to get back up, we try to grasp onto hope, but then another blow comes and we go toppling.

Today we received the preliminary results of Mi.Vida’s second SA. This one was taken at the RE’s office, to rule out transport being an issue. While the strict morphology results aren’t in yet (that will take a few more days) the rest of the results are available.

They aren’t good.

Here is what my doctor’s email said:

For perspective, the counts are approaching or in the range in which IVF is generally the recommended modality.
1/30/13
Volume 5.3 cc  (prior 4.5 cc)
Motility 14% (prior 35%)
Concentration 4 Mil/mL (prior 18.9 Mil/mL)
No RBC or WBC (prior Mod RBC, Few WBC noted)

From what I can see with my untrained eye the results look quite a bit worse. And if it is recommended that we move right to IVF, I don’t know how we’ll feel about spending money on IUIs.

Because we can’t actually afford IVF–at least not for a few years–this comes as a big blow. I honestly don’t know how we’ll move forward.

I will admit, I’m surprised, heartbroken really. I had high hopes (or at least hopes) that his results would be better. I thought maybe the almost hour in transit between my boobs messed things up. I thought maybe things just weren’t great that day. So many people told me stories of bad first SAs and great second ones. I thought that would be us.

But it’s not. Every piece of diagnostic information is a slap in the face. We just keep getting knocked down. And I don’t know how many more times we can get back up.

11 responses

  1. I feel like I am reading my own story in so many ways. I am so sorry. I understand. The first thing I wanted to write was “fuck” … But that didn’t seem articulate enough. I am thinking of you.

  2. We were not convinced that there was a MFI factor until we had two SAs done with our RE. Mi Vidas SAs are so different, that I would do one more. This one could have been the bad one. I know its more money (ugh), but you have two sets of results from two labs – I would not consider that at all conclusive.

    This is a huge blow, nonetheless, and I understand why you’re so upset. This is very scary. I’m really sorry you’re getting bad news at every turn.

    I hold you in my daily thoughts.

  3. The volumes are really good but the count, yes it’s not great. The unfortunate thing is that with all of this there are a lot of knocks before you can stand unassisted.

  4. What Courtney said. We have always had severe MF since the first SA, severe enough that we weren’t candidates for IUI. But Charlie’s counts and motility waxed and waned with each SA. It’s really dependent on a lot of things. For a while, Charlie actually took Clomid to boost his testosterone levels (he was low) and his counts were boosted for a bit. Never enough for us to do IUI, but it helped.

    Mi. Vida is seeing a urologist, yes? I expect he’ll come out with some things that he can try prior.

    In my experience, IVF is recommended because it’s the easiest way for Western medicine overcome biological challenges – you have a lot more control over the process of getting eggs and isolating the sperm that will do the best job (ICSI).

    But I think the diet + acupuncture CAN help you all, too. It won’t be right away, it’ll take some time.

    The thing with this stuff is this, too – you just need one sperm and one egg to meet. With you guys, there’s a lot in the way of that happening, but it’s POSSIBLE it can still happen.

    That said? This fucking sucks. I am so sorry there seems to be so much in the way of completing your family. It’s so unfair. And I am sorry you’re dealing with it.

    Hugs, sweetie.

    xoxo

  5. Those numbers are eerily familiar. It looks a lot like the numbers that McRuger had. Just remember that every SA is just a snap shot of a larger picture, and so many things could be impacting those numbers. You may want to ask your doctor about Clomid for Mi.Vida. It helped McRuger for a while, but it will depend on what Mi.Vida’s other test results (testosterone, and such) are.

    I am so sorry, I remember the pain of bad SA’s all too well.

  6. I’m so sorry, K. 😦 I agree with a repeat SA, at the clinic again, maybe in a month or so since you guys have been on the new diet? this is a huge blow (again) and I’m just so sorry you keep getting knocked down with bad news.

    Thinking of you.

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