Any insight would be appreciated

Sorry I stepped away so abruptly and so completely. I found myself totally unable to proces the horrible tragedy that so thoroughly transformed the nation a week ago today.

I still find myself at a loss. There are truly no words.

I am in a very dark place, one that even the light of this space can’t penetrate. I will probably not be writing her much in the days and weeks to come.

But life moves on and so, I suppose, must I, even when I have no idea how to manage it.

And now, for the purpose of this post, which is to ask the IF veterans out there if they can help me.

It is CD1 and I was finally able to schedule my HSG. Because it could not be scheduled until CD12 I must take six days of BCP, to ensure I don’t ovulate before/during the procedure. I must admit, I am very wary of taking six days of BCP–what will it do to my cycle? How will my body regulate itself again after that kind of strange, stunted suppression?

Ideally I’d be getting the HSG done on CD5 or 6, long before ovulation might happen but with Kaiser it seems that will be very hard to manage and if I take this appointment I can get it done when both Mi.Vida and I are off work (Happy New Years Eve to me) so we don’t have to waste precious sick days on it. It seems that is the clincher, so BCPs it is.

I was hoping someone would have some experience or insight with a situation like this. What can I expect after suppressing ovulation but then ending that suppression right when ovulation would have occurred? What will that cycle look like? (I know I won’t be trying that cycle.) Will this mess me up for a few cycles or will my body regulate itself easily? While acupuncture has done nothing to get me pregnant, it has made my cycles quite regular and I’d hate to throw the considerable time and money invested down the toilet for this procedure.

I know it’s stupid to be obsessing over dumb stuff like this when people’s lives have been cut short, when people’s lives have been shattered. I know my quest for a second child is a luxury that those whose lives were taken will never get to pursue. But right now, it’s all I have to get me through the days, the weeks, the months. To get me through tomorrow. It’s the only way I know to glean meaning from anything right now.

So, despite how inappropriate it feels to be thinking about all this now, any experience or insight into this would be much appreciated.

Happy holidays to you all.

3 responses

  1. I don’t know this for fact, but I doubt that six days of BCPs will really have any effect at all. I can tell you that when I started my IVF cycle, I went on BCPs for three (long, miserable, severely depressed) weeks and achieved a spontaneous pregnancy during that time. After a year’s worth of assisted cycles. Which is not in any way to imply the same has a chance of happening to you; it’s just to say that being on pills for a short period isn’t likely to screw you over.

    As for the other thing, I find these days that if a tragedy has not affected me personally, I don’t let it affect me personally. I go out of my way to not focus on what I have no control over and what has nothing to do with me. If I let myself feel that grief unnecessarily, I cannot cope at all, and that’s no good for me or my family. It’s a tactic I know is best, especially as I read blog post after FB post about how upset everyone is. I simply cannot allow myself to be in that space, so I give it no thought or attention whatsoever. It’s surprisingly easy to go on like nothing is happening when you need to.

  2. I just want to pop in to say that I’ve missed hearing from you, and that you should write about whatever, whenever, no matter what is going on in the world. We all have our own realities and what happened last week does not minimize what YOU, yourself, are going through.

  3. I’ve missed you too, but I suspected the reason you’ve been away. This has been an incredibly hard week for me for the same reason- and writing just hasn’t seemed right. I hope you get the answers to your questions.

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