My temperature dropped significantly last night. My hormones are crashing and I’m coming down with them.
I spend most of the time crying. I try to remind myself it’s the progesterone jumping ship. Sometimes that makes me feel better. Sometimes it just makes me angrier.
I’m so not looking forward to our class on Tuesday. I have so little faith and am filled with so much doubt. I have no idea what our next steps should be. Should we really pursue treatments in the new year? Should we wait for our 12 months to be up or does 12 cycles suffice? When they tell us everything looks fine, how will we know how to proceed? I feel paralyzed by fear.
Tomorrow is CD1. I don’t know if I have it in me to do it all again. I don’t know if I have it in me to spend another holiday in the wake of a BFN. Then again, I don’t know if I have it in me to sit this one out either. None of the options feel right.
One step in front of the other. I try remind myself of that. I try to keep sight of what I have. But I’m scared. Scared that I have no idea what I’m walking towards, or if I have the strength to face whatever’s waiting when I get there.
Maybe, with this little girl at my side, I can find a way.