Outing Myself

This morning the weather had the decency to mirror my mood with grey skies and rain. I appreciated that more than I can say.

It was a hard morning. For no reason at all. I’m just so disappointed in what seems to sure to be another failed cycle. I’m just so loathing a ruined Thanksgiving. Lots of tears fell. I hate facing my classes after I’ve been crying. Especially when I don’t even have a very good reason for crying in the first place.

Today I outed myself on Facebook. I did it slyly, it was kind of genius in fact. I just wrote a quick update asking if anyone could give me any info on infertility treatments at Kaiser, that I was curious what we should expect. I liked this strategy because it didn’t pressure anyone into responding if they felt uncomfortable and made it hard to deposit assvice in the comment section. Hopefully this way people will get an idea of what we’re going through and others’ who are struggling will know they are not alone.

Of course the post has been crickets all day long, except for one ALI blogger saying she may be able to hook me up with someone (which I really appreciated because I DO want some info on what to expect).

Later, if/when we get a diagnosis and if/when we pursue treatments I will put more on Facebook because I think people should know that secondary infertility is a thing, and that someone they know may be dealing with it.

I know everyone has difference comfort levels when it comes to “outing” themselves on Facebook. I wonder, did you ever “out” yourself on social media during or after IF? If so, how and why? If not, do you ever plan to?

8 responses

  1. I never outed myself on social media. Too chicken. In fact, the first time my far away friends heard I was having a baby was when I announced his birth on Facebook. I didn’t trust that all would be well until several hours after he arrived.

    I admire that you’ve put yourself out there. So brave and well thought out!

  2. No, no, and no! I only ever outed myself in private to women who I knew were also struggling. Total chickenshit. I think you picked a good way to go about it… and I hope you do get more feedback. xo

  3. I always out myself, on FB included. I use the NIAW header photo during that week on FB and also posted a picture of Matthew wearing a onesie that said, “I’m a work of A.R.T.” I got tons of likes on both and now it’s out there. That’s how we get our babies in this house, and I think there’s nothing wrong with saying it! I’m a proud IF-er!

  4. Yep, I did several months ago. It was wonderful because it connected me to people struggling IRL. I post about the tough shit every once in awhile and share a lot of RESOLVE articles. I have received more support than I ever hoped for. Good luck.

  5. Did you get any information about fertility treatments at Kaiser? In my area you start out with a consultation with a “fertility nurse”. She asks you a bunch of questions (this stuff is for beginners) then suggests the usual testing. A few hormone tests. An SA for your partner, HSG for you. They go from there. In my case my progesterone was low and my luteal phase was super short. Borderline ovulatory. We had to pay copays for the blood work, and 50% of the diagnostic stuff. The costs probably depend on your plan. Ours covered nothing treatment wise, except a couple of consults with an RE, related to recurrent pregnancy loss.

  6. I posted a cover photo for infertility week, along with a couple of infertility stats (but I didn’t say anything about me/us being included in those stats) and I post similar things for melanoma awareness whenever it is. We’re about to though, with the announcing this pregnancy as “after 3 years and losses” on the facebook. It did bring some nice comments from IRL folks who dealt with infertility and now have children. I do feel like it’s probably very valuable to talk about secondary infertility and how much it’s awful, but I’m not totally comfortable being out there on social media.

  7. I like the way you did it, and I’m sorry that you didn’t get support from other friends.

    I outed myself to my friends in person early in our journey. I don’t find that FB is a great place to post anything other than happy-happy-joy-joy posts. I get so frustrated when I feel like people are ignoring me (whether they are or aren’t, that’s whole other issue) that it isn’t worth it to post serious stuff there.

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