Projects

Did you fall back last night? I HATE falling back. Standard time totally blows. If I had the time and resources I’d fund a DOWN WITH STANDARD TIME campaign that would get Daylight Savings Time instituted year-round in a heartbeat.

Anyway, on to the post.

I have a lot of projects in the works this month. Here are the major ones:

NaNoWriMo. Yeah. I officially signed up but I don’t have any plans to write 50,000 words (or an entire novel) in thirty days. (Shit, only 27 left!) I signed up because I want to write and I want a project that I can focus on that’s not fertility related but does challenge me creatively and can help distract me from this stagnant place in a productive way. I also just want to see if I can write fiction in any kind of real way. I have a story in my head (I waffled for a on which story I would write) and now I just need to find the time to write it. This may prove difficult (or impossible) because the project that takes first priority is…

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR). Last week I took Isa to the doctor to make sure her cough wasn’t racking her lungs in the horrible way it sounded like it was and I decided to take the opportunity to fill my script for Zo.loft. I have a nice shiny bottle with a 50 day supply sitting next to me. But here’s the thing, I don’t plan on opening it or popping any of those little pills into my mouth.

All I can say is I know myself and I know my response to SSRIs and I just don’t think Zo.loft is the answer for me right now. But I also realize that there has to be SOME answer and if I’m not willing to try Zo.loft again, I need to try something else.

Today I’m seven days into my first week of a MBSR workbook. I’ve meditated for 20 minutes six of the past seven days. This is huge for me. Both in the fact that I made time to do this and in the fact that it actually seems to be helping. The last seven days have been the most manageable I’ve experienced in many months. My mood has improved in a way that doesn’t feel like the awesome but unsustainably frenzied positive of mania. No, this place is different. This feels stable, this feels sustainable. It doesn’t feel fragile or conditional or like I’m grasping at a facade. In fact it’s hard for me to put into words exactly how this does feel, which is actually more validating than anything else I could say about it. I have quite literally NEVER felt this way before, which makes me think it might just be the real thing.

This is not to say that everything is perfect. I still feel sad and disappointed and frustrated and annoyed; those feelings just don’t get overwhelming, or last for very long. Also finding time to meditate and then actually making myself do it are difficult tasks indeed. My desire to avoid Zo.loft prompted me to actually sit and focus on my breath for twenty minutes a day almost every day this week and the way I’m feeling now provides great impetus to keep doing it, but it’s still hard to find the time and then actually follow through. I spend many minutes cooking up excuses for why I can skip a day. The one time that part of me won out, I felt significantly more sad before heading to bed. I don’t know if that was causal or a coincidence but it was enough ensure I meditated the following days, no matter what.

You might think it insane for me to attribute this change in mood to one measly week of meditation. Maybe the meditation didn’t cause this change, maybe it’s hormonal or something else. All I know is I’ve never meditated like this before and I’ve never felt this way before and I plan on keeping it up for the next two months at least. I’m sure by then I will know if I want to continue or not.

I have to chuckle because I was writing this post on my iPad (because I’m a masochist) and I inexplicably lost three (brilliantly well-written) paragraphs and the ones I typed in their place are so glaringly inferior to their predecessors and yet, here I am, totally unfazed by the whole thing. Normally I would be unhinged by such an unnecessary loss (seriously, WHAT HAPPENED?!) of time, effort and good writing but tonight it just doesn’t bother me. At all (okay, maybe a little). Maybe it’s just a coincidence but I really don’t think it is.

Lather-free. My final project is of the frivolous persuasion, which is just what I need right now. I honestly can’t tell you why I’m doing this, except that it’s something. to. do. that doesn’t matter and has no lasting ramifications and is just different and therefor mildly interesting (at least to me). I’ve decided I’m going to jump on the (crazy hippie) no-shampoo bandwagon. But because I’m a girl who loves a good lather in my hair more than most things, I’m detoxing slowly. I purchased some (ridiculously expensive) low-poo (yes, this is what actual people actually call this) which will lather a little bit and then when that is out I’ll get some no-poo (yes, also really a thing) non-lathering shampoo and finally over our two week Xmas break I’ll stop shampooing completely and just switch to a baking soda rinse every few days. I’m waiting until the break because it supposedly takes a couple weeks for the grease to get under control and while I’m willing to show up at school looking pretty haggard, I draw the line at appearing to have stopped grooming for an extended period.

The reality is, showering takes time I don’t have right now and I’d love to save money and resources (mostly water, precious water!) by not shampooing my hair every day. I also think I’m a good candidate for this because I don’t “do” my hair, I never use product or blow dry it. In fact, one of the reasons I’m doing this is I hate air drying the lion’s mane on my head in the winter, when it can stay damp for hours, sometimes a whole day. I also have (relatively) pretty hair that gets frizzy when left down which prompts me to wear it in a ponytail EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Maybe, if it stops being so frizzy (shampooing actually dries out hair, making it frizz) I’ll actually wear it down every once in a while. A girl can dream, right?

So those are my three projects this month. Wish me luck as I meditate on my new novel during the precious minutes when I would have been washing my hair. 😉

8 responses

  1. Good luck. I have tried not shampooing, every other day, and I canNOT handle it. So I cut my hair short, which saves me a) time to style, b) money – less shampoo and conditioner!, and c) water. Win. 🙂

    I love the idea of meditating every day. I meditate when I run – it’s the only time my thoughts are quiet and I’m focused on breathing. I need to stop running with my music and do that again. Thanks for the inspiration!

  2. I can’t remember when I began loving the Fall Back. Certainly not when my kids were little. But now? Now this mean they think bedtime is earlier AND they get out of bed for school in the morning more easily. Double win.

    Kudos on the meditating.

    About 6 weeks ago I went low-poo (Deva Curl). I wash only every 2nd or 3rd day and spritz in between. So for, so meh.

    I’m not sure low-poo is an improvement, either for my hair or for the environment. The label still shows a bunch of ingredients I can’t pronounce. I’m giving the testing period til the end of the bottle. I’ll be interested in what you think.

  3. How funny! I was just discussing with my husband how I never recovered from Spring Forward and can’t we all just stay on Standard time forever?! I love love love it!

    I’m curious about your workbook, would you be willing to share more information? I’m very interested in ways to improve my mental health/anxiety levels myself, especially since the change in seasons/months seem to bring on increasing amounts of stress for me. I’d like to not lose my shit this December. Good goal I guess.

    How in the world do you walk around with damp hair all day?! I do that in the summer as an added body temperature cooler, but in the winter I would freeze my ass off if I did that!! Sometimes I go use my blow dryer even when my hair is already dry! BRRR!!!

  4. I want to hear how it goes with low-poo. I tried it a few months ago, and I couldn’t really put up with the transition period. Also, I couldn’t find a conditioner that met the requirements (silicone & protein-free). I did end up keeping some aspects of it, like washing less and using sulfate-free shampoo. And my conditioner is certainly lower in silicone & protein than most. I’m not sure whether it really made a difference, though. I think it’s best for people with very thick, curly hair.

  5. Kudos on the meditation. I find it helps a lot, when I remember to do it. I go through phases with it–sometimes on, sometimes off. Also, good luck with the no-poo and low-poo process. I have a friend whose done it for years and her hair looks fabulous. I tried it and looked like a wet cat because I have fine hair. Maybe it work for you. Think of all the money and time you’ll save!

  6. I don’t care which one we pick – I’m just sick of adjusting to the time changes twice a year! Drives me batty, makes me tired, and seems pointless.

    I’m curious to see how the no-poo goes for you. I only wash my hair twice a week, and it’s pretty thick, dry and coarse. Wonder if I could go no-poo every once in a while, but I’m scared of the transition.

  7. I’ve never heard of “lo poo”, but I did (accidently) stop washing my hair as frequently and my scalp adjusted (made less oils). I went from almost every day, to every 4-5 days, to once a week. Now I go up to 2 weeks, and then use only a tiny bit of shampoo. I’m debating switching to some sort of vinegar rinse because my shampoo bottle is sitting so long its getting moldy and gross. My hair also frizzes, and not stripping the natural oils daily is helping a lot. I’m so not the crunchy type, but realized this works for me and is better for the world…win win.

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