Want to hear a funny story? Actually it’s not at all funny but I’m going to tell it anyway.
Yesterday I POAS. And there was the faintest line. And I knew, just knew I was pregnant.
Everything thing this month had worked out. We timed it perfectly, I had some (albeit not much) CM, I was going to acupuncture. I just knew, knew my suspicions were correct.
And all day I was walking on air. And I thought about having a baby due in early July, and taking next year off of work and how amazing Isa would be as a big sister.
I imagined my completed family.
Before bed Mi.Vida and I hugged and we talked about how screwed we’d be with another baby in the house. And then we laughed and looked into each others eyes and I whispered, I can’t believe I’m pregnant. Even a faint line means it’s true. I’m really pregnant. Finally.
And then this morning I went to POAS again. And I realized the package looked slightly different. Both internet cheapies, both blue, the same size, almost identical but this one had a border around the edges of one side. And then I looked more closely and I realized my horrible mistake. Yesterday’s stick had been an OPK. I thought I was out. Somehow it had been packed in with my pregnancy tests, in the little plastic bag. And they are almost the same color, and the same size and from the back they look the same. And I thought yesterday I was taking an HCG test but I wasn’t.
Today I did.
I’m not pregnant.
Just the biggest idiot in the world who hates herself more than words can say.
Nope, not pregnant, just heartbroken.
And so, so angry at myself.
(Just to be clear, the OPK wasn’t positive, it just showed a very faint line that on a PG test would be considered positive. On an OPK it doesn’t mean anything. Also, I’m only angry at myself for putting myself through this horrible mindfuck. A BFN yesterday would have sucked, but it would have sucked WAY less than being sure I was pregnant for a day only to find out it was mistake.)