There really are no word to express how much the outpouring of love and support after my last two posts have meant to me. All the comments, the emails, the private messages have made me feel cared about in ways I’ve never experienced before in my life. Thank you just doesn’t seem at all adequate, but right now it’s all I have. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
As has been obvious things are hard right now and I’m not handling it well. The shit show that is work makes it really hard for me to be good to myself, but I also realize that I HAVE to be better to myself or things are going to reach crisis mode sooner rather than later.
I have made a promise to myself that my focus this month will be on nourishing myself. I am going to make self-care a priority for at least a small portion of every day. I’m going to acupuncture, I’m taking Chinese herbs and supplements again, I’m going to yoga and I’m just trying to be nicer to myself. I’m also making a commitment to meditate at least ten minutes every day. I’ve written a lot about how acceptance is something I understand but can’t practice and I bemoan how impossible it is seems to achieve. And yet every book I’ve read on the subject has always prescribed one practice and one practice only to achieve acceptance, and that is meditation. I’ve always known how important it is to quiet the mind and yet I’ve NEVER made time for it in my life. It’s time now to make meditation a priority. So I’m committing to ten minutes a day, no matter what. Even if I have to fit it in right before bed, it will happen. I do believe ten minutes of meditation is as helpful to me as ten minutes of sleep so I hope remembering that will help me keep this promise to myself.
I also plan to write down three things I’m thankful for at the end of each day. I hope that between the meditation and the practice of gratitude, I can change the way I move through my days, the way I see the world, the way I hope for my future.
I owe it to myself to do this. I owe it to my daughter, to my partner and to the child I hope to some day have.
My period started today and I’m excited to begin this new cycle with a new focus on the positive. I really hope that even if it doesn’t make a difference in my ability to get pregnant, it gives me the strength I need to give it my best shot.