From Bad Ass to Just Plain Bad

Sunday, I was feeling pretty bad ass. Mi.Vida was going to be gone all morning and I really needed to hit up IKEA to get some stuff for our downstairs unit, the one we’re renting out starting October 1st. So I decided I was going to take Isa with me, and we were going to get it done together.

I knew we were destined for disaster but I went in without any expectations, just hoping that we’d get the few things we really needed.

Three hours later we were back at the car with our seven big boxes, a bag full of stuff and a happy two year old. Oh, and we’d even eaten lunch. It was nothing short of a miracle. And I felt like a pretty big bad ass.

When we got home, Isa went down for her nap and I put together her new table and chairs, a kitchen island for the downstairs and a bench/shoe rack for our entry way. Again, I was pretty full of myself and my inherent awesomeness.

Later that night I rode my bike to yoga for the first time. I used to ride 100+ miles at a time but I haven’t even gotten on a bike in the last five years. Needless to say, I was a little nervous to take my sister’s beater up the busy streets by my house to yoga class. But I did it and yoga felt awesome and again, I was quite proud, both that I ventured out on my bike, and that I made it to yoga at the end of a long and tiring weekend.

Then today happened and I had to laugh at how completely the opposite of bad ass today happened to be. First our daughter woke up at 4:30am and didn’t fall back asleep until 6:30. While she was fine in her room “butt dancing” (as we call it) in her crib, the noise kept both of us for most of the two hours. And of course, at 7:30 when we absolutely had to wake her up for school, she was exhausted and in quite a mood.

Then I couldn’t find my wallet and keys (they are attached to each other) and finally, after much searching, gave up and borrowed Mi.Vida’s car key and grabbed a spare house key. On the way to work I realized I was out of gas and almost pulled off to stop when the 2nd grader I am driving to work this week (for a friend) reminded me that I didn’t have my wallet and couldn’t pay for the gas. Touché 2nd grader. Touché.

Finally we hit some gnarly traffic caused by what I think was a truck on fire. By the time we got there the myriad fire trucks had put it out, but they were still blocking the right two lanes so the slow down was significant. Between the lost wallet and traffic I was really late to work; I just barely got there before my first class started.

Needless to say I was woefully unprepared for my classes and spent each period hastily pulling something together for the next class. I spent my whole lunch getting a lesson ready for my Math 8 class, which has been exceedingly difficult for me. Today’s math classes ended up being one of those where I want to cry at the end of it, not even because they are being awful (which is often the case) but because I know I’m doing a horrible job of explaining what I’m trying to teach. Today I tried to introduce Algebra Tiles and failed miserably. I literally had to hold back the tears at the end of the period.

So Sunday was this bomb day, where I felt like I could accomplish anything, and Monday was a total disaster, during which I felt like I was failing at everything I attempted. I actually appreciated the juxtaposition, and the reminder that we can’t hold on to anything, the good or the bad, because both are ultimately fleeting, even if it doesn’t feel that way at the time.

Ah life, sometimes you provide the most poignant reminders.

6 responses

  1. Wow. This is like reading a page out of my life! The most amazing days are usually followed by the worst. But you’re right, moments are just those. Moments. And moments are fleeting. But oh man! You were awesome and totally kicked ass on Sunday! Puts my ass kicking to shame!

  2. Yes. I’m having those days too. You’re totally not alone – I could have written this word for word. Except for the Algebra Tiles stuff – NFW could I teach math to people. 🙂


  3. At least, by having the bad-ass day first, you know you can do it, and that that somehow sustains you through the disaster days! Hope you found your wallet.

    (Oh, and if it makes you feel any better, I drove to the supermarket the other day to get something I had to have. Got there and discovered I couldn’t find my wallet. Couldn’t believe I’d left it at home. I’m usually almost paranoid about having it with me. Sigh. )

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