Missing Out

Remember when you were a kid and you couldn’t go to something, not because you weren’t invited or anything, just because it didn’t work out? Like maybe you were already doing something that day, or there was a family function you had to attend, or the worst reason of all, you couldn’t afford it?

Yeah. Welcome to BlogHer ’12, Stumbling Gracefully style. It’s amazing how THE SAME that feeling is, as an adult, as it was when I was 15. Seriously, it’s almost identical.

Except the way I deal with it is different. I don’t sit and wallow as much, I don’t throw as many pity parties and I don’t wax woe-is-me to anyone who will listen. Well, at least not as frequently.

But it still sucks. BlogHer starts this week and of course people are talking about it. A lot. The thing is, I don’t really care about actually attending the conference, I’m bummed out that I won’t get to meet all the amazing people who will be there.

You see I’m not going, but so many wonderful bloggers that I know are. And they are all talking about what they will wear and how they will recognize each other and where they will meet and what they will do and I’m just sitting over on the sidelines listening, feeling left out.

I’m not trying to whine about it (though obviously I am, in fact, whining about it), I just feel the need to get it out there, get it out of me, at the very least. I don’t mean to infect anyone else’s fun and I apologize profusely if that is what I’m doing. That is not my intent.

And here is the part where I remind myself of why I’m not going so the rational part of my brain can try to persuade the wounded beast of my heart:

I didn’t have enough money to go. Even before we were in contract to buy a house I didn’t  have enough money; after we signed away our savings I had no business even considering the idea.

And even if I had the money, there is no real reason for me to go. I’m not so focused on blogging right now as to require a bunch of sessions on how to do a better job of it. Maybe next year, if my super-secret project gets off the ground, I’ll have a reason to go, but this year? I just can’t justify it.

Have I mentioned that I just want to go? Wanting to do something is not a reason to do it. All-you-can-eat soft serve in college dining halls has taught us that lesson one time too many.

So I will not be at BlogHer this week and I can only hope that the affects of my absence will not be long lasting, because I do worry that everyone will become such good friends and I’ll get left behind permanently because I wasn’t there to share in the experiences. Have you ever been the person who missed out on the trip where everyone bonded and then they all come back and you can’t infiltrate the group because you don’t get any of the inside jokes and you don’t recognize any of the references?

Yeah, that.

Okay, so maybe I am throwing myself a considerably sized pity party, but honestly, I feel these are valid concerns. My blogging friends are sometimes all I’ve got and the idea that I might lose them because I’m missing out on this event inspires real panic.

I don’t know, maybe I’m crazy. If so, please let me know.

I do hope that everyone who is attending BlogHer has a fantabulous time, that they meet all their bloggy buddies and that their friendships flourish and that they return home happier and more fulfilled as people, and writers.

Do you feel left out when you can’t make an event that everyone else is attending? Is there anyway to combat that feeling of missing out?

2 responses

  1. I really understand how you feel 😦 I’ve been trying not to talk about BlogHer because I don’t want you and others to feel left out. I definitely will miss you. 😦

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