I had a post up. It was a horrible tirade about how hard it is trying. I published it and went about my business. It felt good to get it out, but only kind of.
Then I remembered my promise to myself. I’m trying to focus only on the good, at least with the written and spoken word. I’m not dwelling on the bad right now. That was my promise to myself. So I took the first post down and I am writing another post, a different post, in which I celebrate all the good in my life right now. I don’t know if writing the first post and putting it up there negates what I’m doing here but I’m trying my best. It’s all I can do.
It’s summer break and I’m cherishing the time with my daughter right now, who I adore more than words can say.
My partner is being very supportive about having sex, even when he doesn’t want to. He’s also being very caring and understanding about how broken, and culpable, I feel about my body not cooperating.
We put another offer on a house and who knows, maybe this time they will accept.
Our parents are willing and able to help us with our house buying endeavors. We literally couldn’t do it without them.
I’m seeing three good friends this week, taking my first family-free vacation ever. And while I’m terrified that I will miss my daughter dreadfully, I know she’s in great hands with her grandparents and father. I’m also very much looking forward to all-adult time for five full days in row.
My writing classes are interesting and they challenge me to attempt a kind of creative expression I’ve never had the nerve to try before.
I still have hope for the future, even if it’s clouded in fear and doubt.
Wonderful women in my blogging community are pregnant right now and I’m truly happy for them. They give me hope and strength to keep trying.
So there you go. I’m pulling the negative and pushing the positive. This is my best attempt at putting light into the world. I hope it helps.