Disappointed, but not scared

Thank you all for your words of support yesterday. It was a hard day for me, not made better by other circumstances out of my control. By the time I crawled into bed I didn’t have anything left. I definitely didn’t ask Mi.Vida to do the deed with me. There was just no way.

This morning my temp bounced 12 degrees to 98.2. I have no idea what is going on. I can only wait and see.

I must admit, I’m not proud of how I handled things yesterday. I know my issues are incredibly minor. I know you’ve all dealt with SO MUCH MORE. I know this. One thing this community gives you is perspective and even though it seems like I lose it sometimes, I don’t. At least not for very long.

I’m just so scared of my cycles stopping, like they did before. I’m just so scared to walk down that road.

But, as you reminded me, if that happens I know what steps to take. I know where to go, what to do, or at least how to start. It won’t be the end of the world, or even this attempt at TTC. It will just be a different path that I expected, a different route than I walked before. And that’s okay. I can travel whatever journey life has in store for me. I believe I can do it, I believe I can get there.

But it took your words of wisdom and assurance and hope to remind me of that. It took Mi.Vida’s belief in me and what I can do to remind me of that. It took time and distance and distraction to remind me of that.

Today I outed myself on my new blog, talking openly about my struggles with this process there, where people I know will read it. I’m kind of terrified to put myself out there like that but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from moving between the spaces is that I thrive on honesty. I don’t like to hide what I’m going through and while I don’t welcome misunderstanding or criticism, I’m willing to risk them for an opportunity to really connect with those around me. Hopefully my story will help someone. I know putting it out there helps me.

2 responses

  1. It’s scary taking the step to out yourself to the “general public’ as it were. Good for you! Sorry about your wacky temps, you just brought me back 3 years and i can clearly remember the sinking feeling of seeing a big dip in the TWW.

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