Over

Well month one of TTC is over. It’s done.

We missed it.

After ovulating on CD13-14 for four straight months this month my body decided to ovulate on CD10. I tried to get Mi.Vida to have sex on Tuesday. I had a ton of CM and was totally in the mood. I even bought the Pre-Seed because it felt like the right now, (Remember?) But we got in a tiff and he felt sick and was in bed and asleep by 9pm. So yeah. It didn’t happen. I tried again last night but it didn’t happen then either, though it probably would have been too late already anyway.

I’m so upset. This whole shitty month, stopping my meds cold turkey and feeling like shit and it was all for nothing. We didn’t even have a chance.

How could I forget how much this sucks? How much living month to month, hinging everything on a easily missed days stresses you out. How much being the one whose body gives you the clues (and I’m FINALLY being given the clues this time) and whose body is doing creating the window makes it different for you than it is for him. How he just doesn’t understand. And sometimes seems to not even care.

I already had to wait so much longer than I wanted to. Even at the end I was willing to push it back one last month. And for what? Just to miss my first shot at it.

I know this is nothing. The smallest of set backs. I know people have endure FAR worse. But after these horrible two weeks it feels like a huge blow. And it reminds me of how shitty this is going to be. I so didn’t want it to be like this but it is. How could I think it would be any different?

After a seven month forced hiatus, month one of TTC#2 is over before it even began.

It’s 6:15am and I have a full day of teaching ahead of me.

I hope you’re having a way better day than I am.

9 responses

  1. I’m so sorry you missed the window. Try to think of this as a warmup month for your body. One glorious month for your meds to process out and your head begin to clear from the fog of quitting cold turkey. I am almost positive your uterus appreciates the few weeks reprieve and that next month will be better. I’m thinking of you and hoping you can make it through your day like the strong woman you are.

  2. I like Belle’s take. Warm-up month. Let those hormones get up & running & cycling again & let your body/mind get used to being off the meds.
    But also, yes, it completely sucks. Your story completely took me back to those days, and it is hard hard hard when your partner is not an active participant in TTC, and you feel like a nag, about SEX of all things. I’m sorry.

  3. Ugh – this sucks. I’m so sorry. There’s nothing about TTC that is fun, especially trying to convince someone else that it’s time… Sorry!

  4. This post totally reminds me of what it’s going to be like for me in the later part of this summer. It just sucks. My husband is similar – just does not understand that sometimes, the sex has to be done for reproduction reasons and to just get to it already! It doesn’t need to be hot, or sexy, or exciting – it just needs to be DONE 😉

  5. Aww, shucks. I’m sorry about the blown cycle. All that pressure, particularly when you’re giving something up (and something as huge as your meds), makes it that much worse. I remember not telling my husband when I was ovulating by the end because I found we *always* fought over something on those days. I think it was the pressure for him. It worked better for me to just suddenly be really into him.

  6. So sorry you missed the window this month. I don’t know why men–even smart men who should know better–don’t seem to understand the whole timing thing. I know this month has been tough for you, and not just TTC. I hope next month is a whole lot better.

  7. Oh that sucks. When you’re actively TTC every missed window is a gut-punching loss. Even worse when there’s discord with your partner. This is taking me back so strongly to those days – the frustration, the tears, the grimness of some of those moments. It wasn’t always that way though. But really, it just sucks that life dealt you a hand where it’s EVER like that. Hugs…

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