Well month one of TTC is over. It’s done.
We missed it.
After ovulating on CD13-14 for four straight months this month my body decided to ovulate on CD10. I tried to get Mi.Vida to have sex on Tuesday. I had a ton of CM and was totally in the mood. I even bought the Pre-Seed because it felt like the right now, (Remember?) But we got in a tiff and he felt sick and was in bed and asleep by 9pm. So yeah. It didn’t happen. I tried again last night but it didn’t happen then either, though it probably would have been too late already anyway.
I’m so upset. This whole shitty month, stopping my meds cold turkey and feeling like shit and it was all for nothing. We didn’t even have a chance.
How could I forget how much this sucks? How much living month to month, hinging everything on a easily missed days stresses you out. How much being the one whose body gives you the clues (and I’m FINALLY being given the clues this time) and whose body is doing creating the window makes it different for you than it is for him. How he just doesn’t understand. And sometimes seems to not even care.
I already had to wait so much longer than I wanted to. Even at the end I was willing to push it back one last month. And for what? Just to miss my first shot at it.
I know this is nothing. The smallest of set backs. I know people have endure FAR worse. But after these horrible two weeks it feels like a huge blow. And it reminds me of how shitty this is going to be. I so didn’t want it to be like this but it is. How could I think it would be any different?
After a seven month forced hiatus, month one of TTC#2 is over before it even began.
It’s 6:15am and I have a full day of teaching ahead of me.
I hope you’re having a way better day than I am.