Telling My Truth

I do not know how to capture with words the gratitude I feel towards everyone who left such kind and supportive comments on my last post. I intended to write that post for months and months but I kept putting it off. When I finally, abruptly, had to stop taking my medication I knew it was time. But I was loath to write the post. I didn’t want to think about it enough to put it into words. And I certainly didn’t want anyone to read it.

When I hit published I closed my computer and announced to Mi.Vida, “I just published something I really didn’t want to publish.”

“Why would you post something you don’t want people to see?” he asked, astutely.

The obviousness of his response caught me off guard. Touché! Why was I writing something that upset me and then putting it out there for all the world to see?

Because my medication is a massive part of who I am. And I have always strived to be honest on this blog, sometimes to the point of my own discomfort. I know we all walk around the “real world” with colorful masks on but here, in blogland, I strive for unbridled truth. Here is where I escape to when I don’t want to feel so alone. Here is where I put myself out there for others to accept or deny. And here is where I tell my true story so that others who are experiencing something similar can know in their heart of hearts that they are not alone.

Knowing you are not alone is such a powerful comfort, one I lacked for the longest time.

So I put things out there, sometimes despite great personal discomfort, because I want to be honest and I want people to know that they aren’t alone, even when they can’t find anyone they think will understand.

And so that I can know I’m not alone either, even when I worry the isolation will sweep me away.

Your comments reminded me that I’m not alone. I can’t tell you how much that means to me.

Yesterday I wrote a post on my new blog about how even the beautiful things in life eventually fade away. It’s the lesser celebrated result of “this too shall pass” but one that must be embraced all the same. It’s important for me to remember now, as I enter what will surely be a more difficult chapter of my life. The post is called Swan Song and it’s pretty short. Plus, there are some fabulous photos of pretty flowers too. 😉

7 responses

  1. Sometimes I think the subsconscious takes over and tell us when to hit publish or not, even as the brain rationally knows that it doesn’t want to write nor publish the piece. Congratulations on letting your gut guide you; for hitting post.

  2. Certainly one of the great things about being in a community of bloggers is knowing you aren’t alone- there’s always someone out there who understands and can relate to what you are going through. I greatly respect you for publishing yesterday’s post even when you felt uncomfortable. I hope in the coming months your body adjusts and especially the food issue will work itself out.

  3. I just read this. Wow I really know where you are coming from. I finally started writing about my not feeling well and it was really good to let it out. You are an inspiration to me. Thank you so very much. Keep up the good work!

  4. When I read your line thanking everyone for their support on the last post, I thought, “shoot! I forgot to comment!” I really meant to, and I’m glad you were able to share. I have done a lot of tutoring, and I have noticed that there is definitely a big difference between the kids with ADD and the kids without it. It may be over-diagnosed, but it’s a very real thing (and I really wish I could tell all the parents of the kids with ADD, “stop letting your dog in the room while your child does homework!!”)

    I have also worked with people with depression and anxiety, and those are very real too. They are diseases, not personal weaknesses. It must be scary going off your meds, in addition to all the anxiety you must already have about TTC #2 and how it will affect your family.

    I know I always struggle with really being 100% honest on my blog. Although I don’t know most of my readers IRL, they/you are still people I consider friends, and I don’t want to alienate them or be judged by them. I don’t think I’ve ever regretted being honest, though, even when I worried about what I was going to share. Actually, IRL that’s often the case too, although I’m probably less open there. So I’m glad you felt able to open up and glad the response has been supportive.

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