Time Warp Tuesday: Blog Beginnings

It’s Time Warp Tuesday and while it might not be Tuesday where you live when this ends up in your reader, please know that it’s Tuesday in California when I post it.

Today’s theme is Blog Beginnings and we’ve been asked to revisit our first, or one of our first, posts. I have to admit, I love the idea of going back to my virgin post, the post that popped my blogging cherry, the post that was the first step in my journey here.

My first post was titled My Not So Brave New World and was posted on August 2 30, 2009.

It’s interesting to revisit that post now, on the cusp of trying to conceive a second child, when my life is about to be thrust back into the emotional turmoil that results in any attempt at family building. I wish I could go back and tell that girl that things would be okay, that she’d eventually get her rainbow baby, that she would become a mother. And knowing I want to say that now, makes me wonder if the Esperanza from two years in the future will be wishing she could assure me of the same things now – that I will complete my family – somehow, some way.

I started this blog because TTC and loss had taken over my life and no one around me seemed to care. I wanted to find others who understood and I wanted to support others who were going struggling with similar issues. This is how I ended that first post.

The struggle to start a family is not something our society shares. We would, and do, share the start of our family with the world when the word struggle is not included; but when that word finds its way into the experience, suddenly we are shut down. I know there are thousands of women out there who are struggling to start their families and feel they have no where to turn. I am one of those women. I also know that within their ranks are hundreds more who have to make room for depression and anxiety in their story. I am also making room. My hope is that my story will some how help others to feel less alone in their struggle.

Two and half years later I am thrilled to report that I found that community and that membership here is more rewarding than I ever could have hoped it might be. Two and a half years later I’m stunned by how much this space means to me, by what I feel I’ve accomplished here. Two and a half years later I’m in awe of the fact that the most important events of my life are recorded here for posterity. Two and half years later I am so proud of what I’ve built, and so thankful that I wrote that entry, and pressed publish, over 625 posts ago.

Sometimes I think about moving my blog to a self-hosted place. Every once in a while I entertain the idea of a new beginning, but I’m not sure how or why I would do that. Revisiting my original post makes me consider why I might want to move to a new space. I believe my blog is constantly evolving, but does it need a new home to do so? What would a new space give me that this space cannot? Honestly, I’m not really sure and I’d need very definite answers to those questions before I invested time and money committing to self-hosted site. In fact, I think I would need to determine a goal for this blog before I did made a move and we all know how I struggle in determining the purpose of this place.

In the meantime I’ll keep writing here, I’ll keep engaging in this community, I’ll keep reaching out to others and being so, so thankful when people reach out to me. In the meantime I’ll remain incredibly grateful that I wrote that post two years ago, and deeply satisfied by everything I’ve accomplished here since then.

When and why did you start your blog? How has it evolved over time? Has your blog been the outlet you hoped it would? Has it become so much more? 

I would really love to read your first post. If you want to share it, please include a link in the comment section.

6 responses

  1. Hi! I remember you from long ago on the IV TTCYFC board and just found you through Mo’s page yesterday. I think you left that board after your loss so I was so happy to catch up on your journey and find that you had your little girl less than a month after I had mine =) I can totally relate to what you said about wishing you could go back and tell yourself you’ll be a mother, it would have removed so much of the anxiety of TTC. We are also on the cusp of TTC #2, looking to do a FET in June. Wishing you tons of luck and hope we can now keep in touch through blogland!

  2. Wow. I just went back and reread my first post and it’s amazing how far I’ve come yet how much of it still rings so true:


    When I started blogging I had already been reading ALI blogs for support and part of me thought, if I’m getting support from reading other people’s stories, perhaps someone out there would feel supported in reading mine. I also just wanted to know that I was heard (read). Very, very few people know about my IF, and while I choose for it to be that way, it’s still very hard sometimes. Since I’ve been blogging, while the pain hasn’t gone away, I don’t feel alone any more, and just for that alone it’s worth it.

  3. Thanks so much for doing the Time Warp again this month with us! I loved getting to go back and read your first blog entry here. As I was reading what your old self wrote back then, I kept thinking how impressed I was with your thoughts and intentions in creating Stumbling Gracefully.

    When I began my blog in April 2007 I was very focused on using it more like a CarePage or Caring Bridge site (though I am not sure if they even existed then) to keep family and friends up to date on our first IVF cycle trying to conceive another child (after already 3 years of dealing with SIF). I never anticipated what it could or would become in my life.

    As you reported in your new post here and I echo your sentiments, you have been very successful in doing what you set out to accomplish, both literally in terms of realizing your dream of having and bringing home a child, as well as using your story and experience to reach out, connect with and help others who are also struggling to try to get and/or stay pregnant or grieving a loss. You go girl!

    I like your and Lori’s hypotheticals about 2014! Though I know we all try to be mindful and appreciate the present time in our lives with our loved ones. It is interesting to wonder what will be. I like what you said about wishing you could go back and tell your younger self that things would be okay and you would get a lot of what you were hoping and wishing for then. I know I have often thought about that too.

    Thank you so much for doing the Time Warp again and I hope that two years from now we will still be “warping” together or at least in each other’s orbits, still writing, reading and connecting about our experiences as women, mothers, wives, friends, etc. 🙂

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