The unbridled joy of a truly open heart

I was really tired today. I almost didn’t go to yoga. I thought of a whole slew of reasons why I might not go, gave myself tons of possible excuses for bowing out.

When I got home from work I cleaned up the kitchen and then tried to take a nap. I might have gotten twenty minutes, I’m not sure. I was still so exhausted and wasn’t sure if I wanted to go but Wednesday nights are yoga nights and I felt the routine of it seeping in. I signed up online for class. I told Mi.Vida to be home by 6pm. I started putting on my clothes while Isa took a bath and before I knew it I was walking to class.

I’M SO GLAD I WENT.

Yoga tonight was great. The pace of the class was prefect for me. I felt strong even though I was obviously challenged. I remember thinking multiple times that I was so glad I had come.

And then we did savasana.

That’s when it happened.

During savasana, or the final resting pose, I had what can only be described as a transcendental experience. I was lying there, focusing on my breath, when an intense feeling of joy and gratitude overcame me. The only way I can describe it is to say that my heart felt truly open, fully and completely so. I suddenly saw everything in my life and was overwhelmed by the bounty of it, by all that I had, by the limitless love I had the great honor of sharing with others. Everything in my life seemed absolutely perfect, just as it was, my family, my daughter, my partner, my parents, my job, my apartment – things I generally complain about seemed faultless, utterly perfect. My apartment wasn’t small or moldy or cramped or messy but warm, inviting, bright and safe. I literally could not conjure one negative thought about it.

As I sat longer and longer with this open heart, and realized it wasn’t vanishing as quickly as it came, I started testing other people and things that I was generally disgruntled about. The woman at my work whose political views chaff and who got pregnant on the first month trying, both times and who gets to had free child care from her in laws for the last five years, the one I can’t really stand? When I thought about her all I felt was love and an intense desire for her continued happiness. It was the strangest thing I’ve ever experienced. It was like she was a different person in my eyes.

This experience couldn’t have lasted more than five minutes but I feel like it transformed my life. To know that opening my heart in that way is possible, and to know how good it feels, has changed me. I came home and immediately sat down to write about it because I never want to forget how incredible this experience was or how momentous it seemed to be. I need to remember that a path towards that kind of awareness, either via yoga or mindfulness meditation or something else, is a path worth journeying.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu

May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all.

7 responses

  1. If I was a swami in India I would tell you that you’ve been connected to the divine at that moment. As a yoga teacher in the West I’d just say that’s the state of complete mental and physical relaxation which is much deeper than sleep (in fact, savasana is more relaxing than sleeping because it’s a conscious (!) relaxation…).
    You’re really blessed – many people wait quite a long time for that to happen 🙂

  2. From now on whenever my teacher closes with Lokah, I will be joined with you and with this post.

    So so beautiful and powerful.

    I hope you’ll link this to this week’s Perfect Moment Monday. I started PMMs because of moments like this.

  3. Many blessings to you my spiritual sister… You have touched and cracked open the door to unconditional love and oneness with the ALL… This is the state of consciousness that has always been intended; not only for earthlings, but all life within existence. It comes about through openly and honestly living and experiencing our lives. The good, bad, and the ugly experienced and observed with honesty and an open heart; have a way of cracking us open and bathing us with love, compassion and understanding for others as well as ourselves. So much love to you and yours, and wish you the best of everything… ❤ Also, there is no one particular path to the unbridled joy of a truly open heart; such as yoga or meditation. The hardest thing it seems sometimes is to just BE and express who we truly are, without fear of judgment or criticism from others, and to be true to ourselves… 🙂

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