Thoughtful Thursdays: An adequate response

It’s late. Too late to start writing a post. But that’s okay because what I need to say won’t take very long. I’m writing this post to thank everyone who read my “Why I’m Still Pro-Choice” post last week. It was the first post that I thought about for many months before publishing and I couldn’t have received more thoughtful and meaningful responses from my readers. It reminded me why I write this blog in the first place.

I’m so happy to finally have that post up so that hopefully some day it can help others who are struggling with similar issues. I know I would have appreciated such a post in the weeks and months after my friend’s announcement.

And now to the point of this (sort-of) post. As many of you know I try to respond to all the comments on my blog. I would love to respond within 24 hours but of course life sometimes get’s in the way. Still, I’m proud to say that I reply to the majority of comments within a few days and I want to continue to do so. I published that pro-choice piece the day I left for a five day vacation. I had limited or no internet access for that trip and was unable to respond while I was away. When I returned I wanted to acknowledge each and every comment on that post but I felt tongue tied and contained. There was so much I couldn’t include in that original piece because the core story was not mine to plaster all over the internets. As I sat down to formulate responses to the comments I realized those restrictions still applied and were rendering impossible all attempts to accurately express myself. So I’ve decided to email a reply to each and every person who commented. This might take a week or so but it will get done. So please excuse my tardiness but know that if you commented on that post you will get a response by month’s end.

Thank you all for participating in that converstation. I must admit I was surprised to find that my post on abortion was much less controversial than my post on SAHMs. The fact that I had to run a retraction of sorts for my SAHM piece but that not one person was upset by my abortion piece highlights the rashness with which I put up the SAHM piece (and it’s jealousy-ridden inspiration), the political and social views of my readership or the divisiveness of SAHM v WOHM ideologies. I’ll never know exactly how to explain the discrepancy but it I’ll confess it got me thinking.

Until my reply lands in your in-box…


7 responses

  1. I missed both these posts! must go catch up…I am completely, one hundred percent pro-choice though. and a SAHM so should be fun.

    • I realized I should have linked to the SAHM post. Truth is I hate to send traffic there. But I see you’ve read it and commented so I will answer your question, you asked, I’m a SAHM so what does that make me? A mom! I don’t really understand why it has to be something more too. Of course it’s a job but it’s different than work, at least it feels very different to me than the work that I do. I would much rather be home.

      I think you’re right though, the grass is always greener.

  2. I think it’s okay that you posted your SAHM piece with “rashness,” and even okay that you felt like you needed to retract it. We’re human and it was the perfect example of our how our brain works. We can get on a high about something in particular, but then rightfully (sometimes not-so-rightfully) get knocked down. It’s how we learn and grow. It forced you to think even harder about where those thoughts were coming from, and in that sense, your “rashness” was a success. Besides, in real life we sometimes say things we wish we could take back…so it makes sense that would happen on our blogs as well.

    Also? You’re always so eloquent. Can I be you when I grow up? 😉

    • It’s funny, I felt bad about the way I phrased some of that post and the fact that I generalized so much but I still really believe in what I wrote, as it applies to myself. For me, I still believe that when I’m home with Isa I’m not working. I’m being a mom. And it is fundamentally easier for me than when I’m working outside of the home. But that is for me and I would never again try to generalize it for everyone. I learned a valuable lesson about that. Next time I will regard my own experiences as just, that experience and then ask others for their experiences to see how they are similar or different. I wonder how differently those comments would have gone if I’d done that. It would be very eye opening if we could some how do both, in parallel realities and then compare them. But alas, we are not comic book characters and this is not a reboot of the DC Universe so we shall have to be left wondering.

  3. I struggled a lot on whether or not to comment on your abortion post. I completely respect and understand your position, even though I am pro life. And I also know the point of the post wasn’t to get into a debate over the issue. So, that being said, I thought it was a brave post and I admire you for writing it!

    • I wish you would have responded. I tried to make it clear that while I was interested in being converted I still wanted to know how pro-life people feel about the issue. Telling me your view point is not trying to convert me, just like I don’t feel my post was trying to convert you (at least that wasn’t my intention). I was actually a little disappointed that pro-lifers didn’t comment much and I wonder if I didn’t make it clear enough that I wanted their input. Oh well.

  4. I do have to admit that I had a lot of thoughts about your SAHM post. Basically, I agreed with you completely. And I am a stay at home mom of a special needs baby, who has appointments nearly every day and is tube-fed and requires so much care. And I still believe that my job as a teacher was harder than this. Sure, there is monotony in staying home-breakfast, lunch, dinner, same old same old every day. In my case it’s appointments, try to get her to eat, give up and feed her through the tube, feed her again after she’s thrown up, nap, and then do physical therapy with her on the floor, do her homework from her occupational therapist and teacher that comes every week, take an hour to feed her again, and then somehow make it to bed. And my teaching job was still harder than this. Supervising those students, dealing with the parents, planning lessons, grading endless stacks of papers, trying to please the bosses…Not to mention the preparation that goes into getting to work, which involves making yourself look presentable each day, preparing your lunch, and planning your dinner and having to make it when you come home after a day of being on your feet and always “on.”

    It’s not easy to do what I do, and I would still be teaching if I were in different circumstances, but I am happy that my circumstances put me where they did, and although we do not have money and are struggling a lot, I am home, and I am happy with it.

    I absolutely cannot imagine having a full-time job and then coming home to take care of my baby. It must be so hard. The exhaustion would kill me. I spent ten years teaching, and I specifically remember the exhaustion that I would feel at the end of the day. I came home and would lay in bed. I didn’t even have enough energy to have a social life during those ten years. And when you are a teacher, you take your work home with you. Don’t get me wrong-I am still exhausted and I cry a lot. It’s hard dealing with a special needs baby, but my teaching job was still so much harder than this. Maybe another job would be different? I can’t comment on the difficulty of other jobs since the only grown up job I’ve had is being a teacher.

    I also like how you said that you yourself view being home with your daughter to not be a “job” although it might be to someone else. I guess we all experience things differently, and to some moms, they may crave having that purpose outside of the home. I feel that you were very open-minded about people feeling different ways.

    I completely understand your jealousy of stay-at-home moms. I remember I used to be jealous of them even before I had my baby. I also understand your not feeling like it is “work” because it is such a different type of work. You’re not being observed doing it, you don’t have to please a million people every day, and you can stay in your sweats all day if you want. You don’t have to worry about being fired or pissing off your co-workers.

    I don’t think that you owed anyone an apology and I feel the same way that you do about the staying at home thing.

    I hope that someday you are able to stay home, because I know that is your dream. I can imagine you in your Victorian with all of your books that have been published, lining your bookshelves in your study.

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