My thoughts are doing that lightening round of pinball thing again. Only I think there are like 10 balls out right now.
A big storm has been ravaging Northern California for the past few days. On Friday our school was on lock down for 30 minutes for a tornado warning! When my sister, daughter and I arrived at my parents house down on the peninsula yesterday there were still mounds of hail in the front yard. Last night I woke up and realized that the pelting rain I was hearing was not Isa’s white noise track but was the storm outside, drowning out the Forest Rain sounds we had playing. Flash flood warnings are out all over the area.
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It was a tough week without Mi.Vida here. I got sick almost immediately with a brutal cold. It started with a hellacious sore throat on Wednesday night. On Thursday morning I still felt okay but by 4th period an achy feverishness was descending. There was moment where I was sitting there feeling myself get sicker literally by the second. My 4th period students all commented on the marked difference in my appearance and demeanor from the beginning of the period and the end. This cold ended up a concrete block in my sinuses and some gunk in my lungs, but it does seem to be breaking up.
Unfortunately Isa has not been feeling better since her tooth actually cut. She’s been keeping me and my SIL on our toes with occasional vomiting episodes and frequent poopsplosions. Isa had 3 baths in under 24 hours recently. It was rough.
On Friday night I scrounged up the energy to make myself a proper dinner only to realize two bites in that I couldn’t taste it at all. It was incredibly disappointing.
Between my cold and Isa’s tummy troubles it’s been a very long week indeed.
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I retreated down to my parents’ house this weekend for back up. My sister came along for some family time. I remember on Thursday I called my mother to tell her how sick I was and she asked if I still was coming over. I was incredulous. If I could have come down right then I would have, why would I NOT come?! I wanted someone to take care of me, or at least take care of Isa so I could take care of me.
The time down here has been wonderful. I feel much better and Isa seems to as well. We’ve eaten amazing meals and enjoyed the clean, beautifully decorated space that is my parents’ house. Being stuck inside due to storms is much more tolerable when you’re stuck in a considerably sized house with yellow walls and red couches.
Last night I shared a room with Isa and I actually enjoyed it quite a bit. It was nice to be able to lay quietly and hear her breathing next to me in the Pack n’ Play. She was peculiarly tolerant of the noises I was sure to be making. Also, the trundle in the guest room is much quieter than I remembered, so that was a pleasant surprise.
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Mi.Vida comes home today. His flight is a little delayed by the storm but he should be home in a few hours. I’m so excited to see him and relieved that he will be home.
This afternoon I’m going to visit my very good friends who welcomed their daughter into the world this Monday (don’t worry, I’ll be wearing a mask so as not to expose her to my cold). The new mom has been combating some pretty rough baby blues but seems to be feeling better. Her experience is a relevant reminder of how challenging it can be to bring a new life into the world and then nurture it in those stressful, sleep deprived first days. I spoke to her at length on Thursday when she was realizing, seemingly for the first time, just how entirely her life had changed. She was going through a mourning period for her old life, feeling as if she were experiencing an actual death. I was again reminded of how fortunate I was to have such a euphoric transition into motherhood. I think I took it for granted, but not anymore.
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My mother’s scale (and my masochistic disposition) reminded me that I’m a good 12 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. I’ve been steadily gaining weight since I stopped breastfeeding (and started indulging more in alcoholic beverages at the end of the day). I suppose definitive action is going to need to be made, but I haven’t decided what that will be. My dad showed a short home movie that he took a week or so again on his 54″ wide screen TV and I was unpleasantly surprised by the way I looked. It was that wake-up call that you hear so many women talk about before they start a program like Weight Watchers or Jenny Craig. My past food and body image issues make me reticent to start a full blown diet of any kind but there are daily choices I know I could be making to improve the way I look. I guess I better start making them sooner rather than later.
Unfortunately my daughter is having the opposite problem. Her tummy issues have resulted in the steady decline of her intake, both on the formula and solid foods fronts. She used to take four 6-8 ounce bottles a day and eat three full servings of solids (about 100 calories a serving). Now we’re lucky if she drinks 5 ounces at a time (sometimes it’s as little as 2 or 3) and she rarely eats a whole serving of solids, many times refusing them completely. I think this started when she was uncomfortable from cutting her tooth and now her body is used to the reduced calories. I’m concerned because she has consistently been falling down in the weight percentiles (she started at 98% and is now at 50%) and that was when she ate well. I can only imagine how she’ll fall now that she’s eating so poorly.
I never understood why parents worried so much about their children’s caloric intake. I figured that human beings ate when they are hungry (I certainly do). But now I see that it can become a very stressful subject indeed. Perhaps its the lingering effects from my lactation consultant fiasco so long ago, perhaps it’s just my nature, but I’m disappointed every check-up that she’s barely gained a pound a month, many times less than that. I know Isa is a relatively good eater I just hope she’ll remember how it feels to eat full servings and start to be hungry for them again.
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Well this became a surprisingly verbose post. I supposed I should wrap it up. I’ll end by telling you that I’m looking forward to two social events this week. On Thursday I’m meeting with some other mom’s at a restaurant near my home. Another mom posted something on my mothers’ listserve and so many people responded she had to divide us into 4 nights! It’s obvious that mamas feel isolated and are eager to meet other mamas. I certainly know the feeling! Then on Sunday I’m meeting with Bodega Bliss (mentioned in Friday’s post) and I’m SO excited to do so. I’m proud to be taking definitive steps to combat my feelings of isolation and the general lack of friendship I feel in my life.