Mi.Vida and I just had a bit of a fight. Or rather I was yelling at him. The details are pretty insignificant but as I spouted grievance after grievance I actually realized what was bothering me. Although Mi.Vida tells Little Bear (i.e. me because I’m holding her) what a “great mommy” I am and how thankful he is that I take such good care of her, I feel like so much of what I do goes unrecognized while much of what I don’t do is pointed out. There is so much that Mi.Vida doesn’t see, like the hours of playing with Isa and the fact that there is so little time to do anything else. He doesn’t see that the bathroom towels get taken down, washed, and hung back up. He doesn’t realize that while many things don’t get picked up off the floor, all the toys and books I’ve taken out during the day to appease Isa do make it back into their rightful spots. And while the dishes from last night might not get done, usually the ones I’ve used during the day do. So I never hear a “thank you for changing, rinsing, storing, washing, drying and putting away Isa’s cloth diapers” which would be fine, except I do hear a “why is the stroller still out and blocking the front hallway?”
Mi.Vida thinks that it all has to do with the fact that I know there are things about our apartment that he doesn’t like hates and so I internalize all the little things I hear him say out of frustration or annoyance. This is probably true. So he’s going to try to be better about not mentioning them so much and I’m going to be better about not getting bent out of shape when he does.
I also realized that I need to let go of my hopes for how Mi.Vida is feeling and how he deals with those feelings. It’s okay if Mi.Vida is not very happy right now. It’s okay if he feels overwhelmed at work, ineffectual at home with Isa and generally tired and worn out. Of course, I’d rather he didn’t feel that way and I will do whatever I can to ease those unpleasant feelings. But I don’t need to do so so desperately. Mi.Vida’s happiness right now doesn’t have to portend the future. I don’t need to feel threatened by his struggles right now.
The truth is, having a baby is a huge transition. Transitions can be very hard but many times they pay off and in the end, you’re happier for having made the change. We may not be happier, right now, that we were a year ago. But I bet in a year we will be happier than we were before we had our daughter. I hope we are much happier. In fact, I’m betting on it. In the meantime I just have to accept that this part is challenging and that each of us handles those challenges distinctly. And that is okay.
BUENAS NOTICIAS – It was a gorgeously warm weekend and I enjoyed being outside in the warmth so much.