¡Feliz Navidad!

Merry Christmas everyone! I have to say, it’s been a great Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. We spent Christmas Eve at my parents’ house, opening the requisite one gift each and playing a board game that my mom opened (at my dad’s urging). Mi.Vida got the Roku box for streaming Netflix he’s been pining over for the past month and was very excited to set it up when we got home.

This morning we were at Mi.Vida’s parents’ house and it was great fun. We ate homemade cinnamon rolls and opened presents. The CD set I picked out for his dad and the digital picture frame I thought up for him mom both went over VERY well. I was quite proud indeed.

Right now we are back at my parents’ house, awaiting Christmas dinner and then present opening afterwards. I haven’t been feeling too well today and am hoping to get through dinner without feeling worse. I made the mistake of upping my Zo.loft to 50mg today and that was a mistake. I guess there is nothing I can do but wait it out. I should feel better again soon.

Tomorrow morning I’m heading to Kaiser pharmacy bright and early to get my 2nd trimester blood test. In 3 to 7 days I should have the results of my genetic screening. I’ve realized that there is a good chance they will not give me the answers or assurances that I so desperately desire and I’m making my peace with that. I really do think I can handle whatever results are given to me.

In the meantime I just worry about Frijolito. I worry that something will happen to him and that I will be totally and utterly heartbroken. I know there is no way to know and nothing to do even if I did. I keep telling myself that until I know otherwise, everything is fine. Still, I have a foreboding feeling right now of something not being quite right. I can’t decide exactly what it is, but I can’t seem to shake it. I hope it’s just the remnants of my anxiety rearing their ugly heads.

I just want to clarify that I am very thankful for all I have this Christmas. I truly am. I know I can not mourn a tragedy that has not, and may never happen, and I’m not doing that. I’m just in a little bit of a funk, despite all the holiday cheer. It’s not keeping me from enjoying my family and Mi.Vida though, so I shall return to them all. I’m sure I’ll feel better when we start with the present carnage.

A Happy Holidays to all in 2009!

2 responses

  1. I think that the foreboding feeling is your anxiety. That feeling is normal for me when I am in the throes of anxiety. It was what allowed me to see that I needed to be on something. Every day I would come to work and just KNOW that I was going to get into trouble with my boss or that someone was going to get angry with me. It is normal anxiety/OCD stuff.

    I think that the Zo.loft will take you a bit to get used to. Usually it takes me a good month or two not to feel sick from the side effects. With Zo.loft, after 2 weeks on the new dosage I didn’t feel so sick.

    I hope that the present carnage helped to get your mind on other things. I am sorry that you have to spend this time so worried. I understand 😦

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