Porn Tits

I have porn tits right now. Seriously. I’m wearing a 40DD bra. FORTY DOUBLE DEE. Yes, I needed to spell it out. More for my sake than yours.

I have porn tits, ladies. Well, they aren’t really porn tits as they don’t look particularly nice, but they certainly are large enough. These are some seriously ginormous tatas. Some truly massive titays. My boobs are gargantuan.

I’m not used to having bit tatas. I used to have them, when I was overweight, but since I got my weight under control–and especially since I had a baby and then breastfed said baby–my boobs have deflated. I was used to my 36C’s, that were probably really 36Bs (though at a bra fitting I was told they were 34Ds-THE FUCK?!) Anyway right now they are super giant. Like seriously, huge. At least they feel huge to me. In fact, they are getting in my way. I can’t sleep like I want to. I can’t cross my arms. I can’t wear most shirts. I have to wear double sports bras on the elliptical. I think they are even making my back hurt. They have to be¬†accommodated, and right now I don’t feel all that¬†accommodating.

I’m only 15 weeks. Of course I’ve already gained 10 lbs which might have a little (okay, a lot) to do with their alarming growth. And I appreciate that their massive size is another indicator that this pregnancy is progressing as it should, that the crazy hormones are doing their weird work.

I just wish I didn’t have to deal with these giant, sore porn-sized titays every day. Lord knows the rest of this body I no longer recognize is in NO shape to be photographed naked. I’ll hardly let my partner see me like this, let alone anyone else.

Ah pregnancy, I forgot how you change everything. I am humbled by your constant reminders. And I meekly request you slow things down for a bit. At least in the chest area.

11 responses

  1. Very funny when I’m not the one it’s happening to! My boobs grew a lot during my first pregnancy but didn’t change at all during my second. I thought that was normal, but so far I haven’t found that to be the case. At any rate, you’re probably done growing until it’s time to start nursing! Hope they get less sore, though.

  2. This had me laughing out loud at lunch! I HATE. having huge boobs, so I totally sympathize. Mine were ginormous the first time, but have not grown this time around. Weird. I’m sure they’ll catch up once birth happens.

    Still laughing… Still laughing!

  3. My boobs haven’t grown substantially in size yet, but man, the dry skin is about to kill me. I wake up in the middle of the night and find myself sleep-scratching. Definitely not fun!

  4. DUDE, SAME! My boobs are enormous and achy and they KEEP GROWING. Two full sizes in the past two weeks. It is crazy how much I fogot pregnancy changes every little thing about the body. but I don’t remember the boobs taking over like this last time, I thought the belly came first?!

  5. I can relate! I went to Chipotle in a summer dress when I was about 11 weeks pregnant (so not showing much yet). It was a little low-cut and I couldn’t figure out why all the men in the restaurant seemed to be checking me out. Duh! Finally figured out that my small chest had taken on a life of it’s own!

  6. Hmm. As someone who wakes up every morning and puts on a 40DD (or 38DD, depending on when I last went to the gym) bra, I have to say that I never thought that I had porn tits. Then again, I’m probably bigger all over than you are, so my breasts never stood out as outrageously huge, at least to me. My boobs *are* substantially saggier than they were pre-kid, but no smaller. Not yet. I’d take it as a major gift if they would have lost a bit of size. Granted, I haven’t fully weaned the boys yet, so that may be a small part of it, though they barely nurse at all these days anyway. Just imagine waking up like that every day of your life!

  7. I had zero boobs when I got together with J, and I have zero boobs now. However. Just after I had G, when they were rock hard and tearfully painful, he looked at me with wide eyes and said; “THESE. When you get fake boobs we’re getting you these.” I informed him he was delusional, that was never happening, don’t touch because they hurt so bad I would have to punch him and also uh uh fool, that’s the baby’s lunch. They were HUGE.

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