Reclaiming This Body
Thank you all for your very sage wisdom on the diet issue. It really helped me come to a place of peace on the whole thing.
I think I will continue with the diet, but I will do so because I want to give this to my body, I want to give it a chance to thrive, to take care of it after so many months of despising it so intensely. I want to find peace in my own skin, to nurture myself physically as well as emotionally.
The truth is I hardly recognize this body anymore.
Last night I went to yoga (for the first time in forever) and I was acutely aware of how foreign this vessel now feels. The extra 12+ pounds are cumbersome, especially in less forgiving clothes. My boobs are still swollen and sore; when I laid down they were a tender annoyance below me, always in the way. They felt like someone else’s breast, that is how wholly I failed to recognize them.
I’ve been spotting for four days. I never spot. My breasts are too big. My clothes don’t fit. After the BCPs and the testing, this body is aching to be reclaimed. And I want to do that.
The jury is still out on the group cleanse. I need to get more information. I want to make clear that it is not some intense all-juice-with-bits-of-boiled-cabbage-thrown-in kind of cleanse. Its purpose is to avoid common allergens and other foods that are thought to gum up the works by eating whole foods–mostly fruits, vegetables, meats and some ancient grains. It’s basically the diet I’m already attempting, maybe ramped up a few notches. There will definitely be smoothies, but I really like smoothies. So who knows. Mostly I need to look at my bank account and see if taking the hit is worth the collaborate support as I start this challenging overhaul.
I will admit that I do like the idea of a cleanse, both physically and figuratively. My body needs to detoxify from the stress of the last year almost as much as my attitude does. And this cleanse might be just the ticket. It doesn’t just focus on what to eat, but also on attitude and expression. There are mindfulness meditation exercises every day and chances to reflect and share those reflections. I have to admit, I’m intrigued and I don’t wonder if having something positive like this to focus on during this month of waiting and standing still might not be just what I need. Maybe this cleanse will provide just the opportunity I need to maintain this feeling of peace I’ve achieved.
Until I decide, I’ll be staying away from my old friends bread and cheese and saying hello to some nutrient-rich whole foods. Haha, if only it were that “easy.”
Wish me luck.